This is a mad house!... A MAD HOUSE!
Ya' finished?
Pretty much...
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
A bee! [He squashes it. Everyone gasps]
Past Tuddrussel, Larry, Past Larry, Otto, Past Otto: Tuddrussel!
AHAttila the Hun
Oh, hello.
Tuddrussel smash! [punches Attila]
I don't remember wearing a tutu! At least, I don't think I did...
LPLouis Pasteur
But these sweet babies are going to get me the respect I have always deserved.
I respect you, buddy. [He giggles and kisses Pasteur]
BTBuck Tuddrussel
Well, mission accomplished. It took some doing, but we talked Karl Marx out of building the world's largest igloo and back to writing the Communist Manifesto.
L3Larry 3000
Yes, once you kicked him in the belly.
BTBuck Tuddrussel
Hey, if you're gonna make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs.
Let me hear that Time Squad motto.
Ensuring the pat to protect our farmers.
Close enough.
BTBuck Tuddrussel
That's it, no more Mr. Nice Tuddrussel.
L3Larry 3000
[Sarcastically] Oooh, I'm soo scared!
BTBuck Tuddrussel
Well you should be, maestro, when I tell everyone what a lousy artist you are.
L3Larry 3000
[sarcastically] That really hurts. [Facing Tuddrussel with anger] Especially coming from a man who sleeps with a nightlight and a teddy bear!
[Crowd begins howling with laughter, while Tuddrussel is angered]
BTBuck Tuddrussel
Hey, you leave Mr. Binky out of this!
[The crowd continues howling with laughter.]
MMontezuma
So, they say dogs, man's best friend, but when you have a friend who goes on the sofa, who needs enemies. You know it's real bad.
[The crowd ignores Montezuma, enticed in the insult match between Larry and Tuddrussel.]
BTBuck Tuddrussel
What about the time I caught you putting on make up?
L3Larry 3000
That isn't as bad as the time you were having a drink and got your head stuck in the toilet.
[The crowd continues howling in laughter as Tuddrussel grows furious with Larry]
MMontezuma
[nervous knowing Larry and Tuddrussel are serious competition in their insult match] And how about those relationships. It's like men are from Chalpauche and women are from Yakipipi.
BTBuck Tuddrussel
I checked your Blue Book value, Larry, and it said you were worthless.
L3Larry 3000
I tried to check your I.Q., but numbers don't go that low.
[The crowd continues howling with laughter as Tuddrussel grows more furious with Larry]
MMontezuma
Anyone out there from Yakipipi?!
BTBuck Tuddrussel
You're mother's a blimp.
L3Larry 3000
You're mother's a shaved ape.
[Everyone including the host erupts in laughter as Larry and Tuddrussel fight. Otto is overjoyed.]
OOOtto Osworth
They're laughing. They're really laughing.
HHost
They sure are kid. These guys are killin'!
OOOtto Osworth
Yeah, each other
[Tuddrussel is attacking Larry as the host walks up to the stage with the trophy in hand.]
HHost
The winners, come up here you two.
[The crowd cheers as Tuddrussel and Larry are confused at first, but then understands they've won the Amateur night Comedy Contest in Casa de Ha-Ha and runs up the stage to accept the award.]
HHost
Montezuma is good, but you guys are comedy gold.
[Larry is making a roast turkey for Buck. He is oddly giddy and chipper. Otto comes in and witnesses the scene]
Uh, don't take this the wrong way, but why are you being so nice to Tuddrussel? Making his favorite meals, cleaning his phasers, fumigating his underwear?
Well, Otto, as you know, I'm programmed to be a humble housekeeper and a delightful companion. So, recently, I decided, 'Why fight it?' Well, sure, he's a stupid, repugnant, arrogant, smelly, ignorant, selfish, insulting man child.
[Larry puts a cherry on top of the gravy-smothered turkey, which promptly sinks]
But he's my stupid, repugnant, arrogant, smelly, ignorant, selfish, insulting man child!
[Otto shoots Larry a confused and suspicious look]
Oh, you'll understand when you're older.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Time Squad pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.