Oh, hey kid, watch this. [He clears his throat] Com-pu-tor, how a-bout a re-fresh-ing be-ve-rage? [Larry sullenly walks over with a canned drink]
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Sir, it is my duty to inform you that this particular robot is not a flesh eater, okay? At least, I don't think he is...
L3Larry 3000
Think of time as a section of rope. As Earth moves forward through time, more rope is formed. Recently it was discovered that as time grew older, it began to decay, or “unravel,” as it were, and this disintegration of the past begins to create disastrous results in our future. Let’s say that because of this instability in the past, the dodo bird never becomes extinct, and because of this, a young Henry Ford is attacked by one of these filthy creatures. He is so traumatized by the experience that he never invents the auto assembly line, or the Model T. Without this primitive automobile as a jumping-off point, we in the future are suddenly without our fancy solar-powered hover cars. That’s why we have to constantly repair the past and keep our future strong.
Little buddy! That's it! You're going down, lady!
Excuse me, Mr. Confucius? [Confucius screams and hides upon seeing Tuddrussel, who beat him up earlier] You think you could shorten your books down to little catchy phrases?
CConfucius
Sure, Confucius do anything you say. Just don't hurt.
[Larry has been downgraded so he serves nothing but burgers]
Burger.
Ugh. Another one of those and I'm gonna puke.
Burger.
Don't you got anything else?
Negative. Burger.
Larry, why are you going along with this?
L3Larry 3000
Sorry, Otto, but as you know, I was originally designed to assist kings and diplomats. Now that Rome has achieved its full potential, and Tuddrussel has become so popular, I'm finally able to fulfill my true destiny: as the doting lackey of a great leader.
Et tu, Larry? Et tu?
L3Larry 3000
[pause] Caesar! Caesar!
[Larry plays Symphony No. 9]
LVLudwig van Beethoven
That music...so smooth, so beautiful!
It's the 9th Symphony in D minor! You wrote it! Or, you'll write it someday, or something like that!
GKGenghis Khan
I've had it with you, Kublai! When I was your age, I conquered half the known world! You're still living at home!
KKKublai Khan
Big deal.
GKGenghis Khan
Reading comic books all day.
KKKublai Khan
They're graphic novels, grandpa Genghis.
BBBuffalo Bill
[holds up a dollar bill with a barbecue sauce stain] It's all here on the $20 bill, man! You see here near the White House next to the bushes? An alien saucer!
What?! That's barbecue sauce!
BBBuffalo Bill
Lincoln won that presidential debate against his opponent, Peter Cartwright with his special powers, man! Mind control powers!
[In his fantasy, Lincoln fired psionic waves from his forehead]
PCPeter Cartwright
Furthermore, if I am elected president, I... [gets mind controlled] I will raise taxes...sky high!
Hey, look! We're going to meet the Earl of Sandwich. He invented one of the most popular foods of all time.
The donut?
[sarcastic] Yes, a man named Sandwich invented the donut.
Well, I hope he invented more than one, 'cause I'm starved.
JJudge
What name hast thou giveth to thine own offering?
ESEarl of Sandwich
Your majesty, I thnik you're really gonna like this. I call it...Stinky Pile of Poo!
JJudge
Stinky Pile of Poo?!
TSTime Squad
Stinky Pile of Poo?!
[sobs upon seeing the destroyed Statue of Liberty] You maniacs! You blew it all up!
Sheesh, Larry, I never seen you take anything so hard.
Hey, you're right. Oh, here's the problem. My emotion regulator was set on compassion. How embarrassing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Time Squad pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.