Gordon quotes from Thomas & Friends

PEW! What a funny smell! Can you smell a smell?

I can't smell a smell.

A funny, musty sort of smell.

No one noticed it 'til you did. It must be yours.

Not long ago, he had fallen into a dirty ditch. Thomas enjoyed teasing him about it.

Annie, Clarabel, do you know what I think it is? It's ditch water!

Ha! Just look at us. Your driver will have to work fast to get you as smart as us.

Never mind that. I have something important to say. Do you realize it's been a whole year since Mrs. Kyndley saved us from a nasty accident?

You remember, when she was ill and bed, and...?

Yes, of course. You told us how she waved her red dressing gown out of her window to warn you about a landslide ahead.

And you and Toby gave her presents. And the Fat Controller sent her to Bournemouth to get better.

Exactly! So, now I think we should all give her a special Christmas party.

Fancy allowing cows to break his train!

They wouldn't dare do that to us. We'd show them!

Toby was cross.

You couldn't help it, Edward. They've never met cows. I have, and I know the trouble they are!

Some days later, Gordon rushed through Edward's Station.

Poop, Poop! Mind the Cows! Hurry, Hurry, Hurry!

I say, you engines, I'm to take some trucks to Thomas' junction. The Fat Controller chose me especially. He must know I'm a really useful engine.

More likely, he wants you out of the way.

Gordon looked across to James. They were making a plan.

James and I were just speaking about signals at the junction. We can't be too careful about signals, but then, I needn't say that to a really useful engine like you, Percy.

Percy felt flattered.

We had spoken of backing signals. They need extra special care, you know. Would you like me to explain?

No, thank you, James. I know all about signals.

[to the bigger engines, who are whistling impatiently] Stop that noise!

They won't let us in!

Duck, explain this behavior.

Beg pardon, Sir, but I'm a Great Western Engine. We do our work without fuss. But begging your pardon, Sir, Percy and I would be glad if you would inform these engines that we only take orders from you.

SILENCE! Percy and Duck, I'm pleased with your work today, but not with your behavior tonight. You have caused a disturbance. [to the big engines] As for you, you've been worse! You made the disturbance! Duck is quite right. This is my railway, and I give the orders!

Shut up! [bumps the noisy trucks hard] I'm sorry our trucks were rude to you, Diesel.

Diesel was still furious.

It's all your fault. You made them laugh at me.

Nonsense. Duck would never do that. We engines have our differences but we never talk about them to the trucks. That would be dis-dis...

Disgraceful!

Disgusting!

Despicable!

[let off a lot of steam] WHOOSH!

Keep out!

Stop fooling! I'm tired!

So are we. We're tired of you. We like Diesel. We don't like you. You tell tales about us to the trucks.

I don't!

You do!

I don't!

You DO!

The Fat Controller came to stop the noise.

Duck called me a galloping sausage!

Rusty red scrap iron!

I'm old square wheels!

Well, Duck?

Duck considered.

I only wish, Sir, that I thought of those names myself. If the dome fits...!

He made trucks laugh at us.

The Fat Director recovered. He'd been trying not to laugh himself.

Did you, Duck?

Certainly not, Sir. No steam engine would be as mean as that.

Edward says we need... a... a depot station!

Of course! The question is...

What is a... desperation?

It's when engines tell the Fat Controller something's wrong.

Did you say "tell the Fat Controller"?

There was a long silence.

I propose that Percy be our... uh... disputation.

I?! I can't!

Rubbish, Percy! It's easy.

That's settled, then.

Poor Percy wished it wasn't.

It's not fair.

What isn't fair?

Letting branch line diesels pull main line trains.

Never mind, Gordon. I'm sure BoCo will let you pull his trucks sometimes.

Gordon spluttered.

I won't pull BoCo's dirty trucks! I won't run on branch lines!

Why not? It would be a nice change.

The Fat Controller would never approve. Branch lines are vulgar!

What's that?

SHH! It's Gordon.

It looks like Gordon, but it can't be. Gordon never comes on the branch lines. He thinks them vulgar.

Gordon pretended he hadn't heard them.

If it isn't Gordon, it's just a pile of old iron.

Which we'd better take to the scrap yard.

No, Bill. This lot's useless for scrap. We'll take it to the harbor and dump it in the sea.

Gordon was alarmed.

I am Gordon! STOP! STOP!

Did you see him straining?

Positively painful.

Just pathetic! He should give up and be preserved before it's too late!

Shut up! You're all jealous. Edward's better than any of you!

You're right, Duck. Edward's old but he'll surprise us all.

[finally puffs out of Knapford] I've done it! We're off! I've done it! We're off!

Good riddance! Chattering all night. Who is he, anyway?

Duck told you, he's famous.

As famous as me? Nonsense!

He's famouser than you. He went 100 miles an hour before you were even thought of.

Ha! So he says! But I didn't like his looks. He's got no dome! Never trust domeless engines. They're not respectable. I never boast, but I'd say 100 miles an hour would be easy for me. Goodbye!

[rockets past] He did it! I'll do it! He did it! I'll do it!

Gordon's train rocketed past, and was gone.

He'll knock himself to bits.

You'll never guess what I saw last night.

Gordon was in no mood for puzzles.

I'm a busy engine. I don't have time for your games.

I've seen a huge dragon. It was covered in lights!

Gordon snorted.

You've been in the sun too long. Your dome has cracked!

[sees Gordon covered in mud] Hello, Gordon. You look as if you've had a mud bath. Be a sensible engine and have a shower instead.

I haven't time to dawdle over my appearance like fussy tank engines do.

The wind blew stronger.

Phew, Gordon! Slow down!

This made Gordon even crosser.

I'll be dirty and late, dirty and late!

At the next station was a sign "All trains must wash down daily." James had just finished being cleaned.

Come on, Gordon. You'll feel better, too, after a good hosedown.

BAH!

You're a very naughty engine! Now James will need another shower! You'll have to wait your turn till later!

Good riddance! I'm far too busy to waste time with water!