TV show quotes
Maybe you don't know what you're looking for.
Like evidence of conjury or the black arts or shamanism, divination, Wicca or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice. Charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones, or hex signs or any of the ritual tableaux associated with the occult, Santeria, Voudoun, Macumba, or any high or low magic?
Scully?
Yes?
Marry me.
I was hoping for something a little more helpful.
(objecting as Mulder starts using a laptop taken from a crime scene) Mulder, that's evidence!
Gee, I hope so.
(chasing after him) Mulder?
[moves the lips on the boy he just staked to reveal vampire fangs] Look at that! Eh? [Scully taps the fangs to show that they're just plastic. Mulder looks horrified.] Oh sh- [Credits roll.]
Skinner wants a report in one hour. What are you going to tell him?
What do you mean what am I gonna tell him? I'm gonna tell him exactly what I saw. What are you gonna tell him?
I'll tell him exactly what I saw.
Now, how is that different? (Scully shrugs) ..Look, Scully, I'm the one who may wind up going to prison here. I gotta know if you're gonna back me up or what.
(annoyed) First of all, if the family of Ronnie Strickland does indeed decide to sue the FBI for, I think the figure is $446 million, then you and I both will most certainly be co-defendants. And second of all.. I don't even have a second of all, Mulder! 446 million dollars! I'm in this as deep as you are, and I'm not even the one that overreacted! I didn't do the [stabbing motion] with the thing!
I did not overreact - Ronnie Strickland was a vampire!
Where's your proof?
You're my proof! You were there!
[Scully sighs]
Okay, now you're scaring me. I want to hear exactly what you're going to tell Skinner.
Oh, you want us to get our stories straight.
No, no, no - I didn't say that. I just want to hear it the way you saw it.
I don't feel comfortable with that.
Prison, Scully. Your cell mate's nickname is going to be Large Marge. She's going to read a lot of Gertrude Stein.
Yesterday morning, when I arrived at work, you were.. characteristically exuberant.
[slams tickets down on the desk excitedly] Hope you brought your cowboy boots!
You want us to go to Dallas?
Yee-haw! Actually a town called Cheney, about 50 miles south of there. Population: 361. By all accounts, very rustic and charming. But as of late, ground zero, the locus for a series of mysterious nocturnal exsanguinations.
Exsanguinations? Of whom?
[Flashes a slide of a dead cow.] How does that grab ya?
It's a-
Dead cow! Exactly. Or more specifically, a dead 900 pound Holstein. Its body completely drained of blood, as was this one, [flashes slides] this one, this one, this one, and so on. Six, all in all, approximately one a week over the past six weeks.
Is there any sign of-
Two small puncture wounds on the neck?
That's not what I was gonna ask.
(excitedly) Too bad! We got em! Check it out. [flashes slide]
Well, these may be syringe marks, their placement meant to emulate fangs. Such ritualistic bloodletting points towards cultists of some sort, in which case - (Mulder starts smirking) - what?
(laughing) Yeah, that's probably it - Satanic cultists. Come on, Scully!
You're not gonna tell me this is that Mexican goat sucker.
El Chupacabra? No, they've got four fangs, not two. And they suck goats, hence the name.
So instead this would be..?
Classic vampirism.
Of a bunch of cows?
And one dead human! Last night - a vacationer from New Jersey. [flashes slide] Come on, we gotta go. [Grabs his coat and runs off]
Why the hell didn't you tell me that from the beginning?!
(from offscreen) Lock the door on your way out!
(sighs)
It was there that we were met by a representative of local law enforcement, Sheriff-
Lucius Hartwell. You the FBI agents?
Yes, I'm-
Agents Mulder and, uh.. (snaps fingers, trying to remember) Scully. What do you say we go take a look at your victim?
Yeah, by all means. After you.
[Scully stands there subtly ogling Sheriff Hartwell.]
Come on, Scully, get those little legs movin'! Come on!
(looking at the tourist's ugly shirt, sarcastically) Nice threads!
[pulling on dead man's collar to reveal two apparent bite marks] Your Satanic cultists have some sharp little teeth.
What satanic cultists?
Go ahead, tell him your, heh, (makes quotation marks in the air, mockingly) "theory."
You really know your stuff, Dana.
(disbelief) "Dana"?! [Cuts back to Mulder's office; he laughs] He never even knew your first name!
(slightly embarrassed) You gonna interrupt me, or what?
No, go ahead. (grinning) ..Dana.
[Investigating the body] Have you noticed that this man's shoes are untied?
Mulder, what's your point?
This means something.. Sheriff, do you have an old cemetery in town, off the beaten path, the creepier the better?
Uh, yeah.
(snaps his fingers at him) Take me there now! Scully, we're gonna need a complete autopsy on this man, the sooner the better.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What am I even looking for?
(puts his hands on her shoulders; looks at her intently) I don't know. (walks off)
(looks at the sheriff, who seems confused; tries to explain) He does that.
(speaking into a tape recorder) 4:54 p.m. Begin autopsy on one white male, age 60, who is arguably having a worse time in Texas than I am... although not by much.
[She moves to begin, the blade of the scalpel she's holding falls off.]
Yee-haw.
..But I just put money in the "magic fingers"!
I won't let it go to waste! [hops on bed]
Yesterday morning began like any other morning. You arrived at the office characteristically less than exuberant. [Cuts to Mulder putting plane tickets on the desk, speaking quietly and calmly] I hope you brought your cowboy boots.
(whiny) Why are we going to Dallas?
But as always, I-I'm very eager to hear your opinion.
(annoyed) Well, it's obviously not a vampire.
Well why not?
(like it should be obvious) Because they don't exist?
Well, that's one opinion and I respect that.
(looking at Hartwell) Ooh, boy.
[Sheriff Hartwell appears, with a more pronounced Southern drawl and obvious buck teeth]
Y'all must be the guv-mint people. (Mulder has a slightly repulsed face, while Scully is obviously enamored with Hartwell) ..I'm Lucius Hartwell.
[Cuts back to Mulder's office]
(objecting) He had big buck teeth?
..He had a slight overbite.
No, he didn't. (Mulder nods his head) ..And that's significant? How?
I'm just trying to be thorough.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The X-Files pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
