Yesterday morning, when I arrived at work, you were.. characteristically exuberant.
[slams tickets down on the desk excitedly] Hope you brought your cowboy boots!
You want us to go to Dallas?
Yee-haw! Actually a town called Cheney, about 50 miles south of there. Population: 361. By all accounts, very rustic and charming. But as of late, ground zero, the locus for a series of mysterious nocturnal exsanguinations.
Exsanguinations? Of whom?
[Flashes a slide of a dead cow.] How does that grab ya?
It's a-
Dead cow! Exactly. Or more specifically, a dead 900 pound Holstein. Its body completely drained of blood, as was this one, [flashes slides] this one, this one, this one, and so on. Six, all in all, approximately one a week over the past six weeks.
Is there any sign of-
Two small puncture wounds on the neck?
That's not what I was gonna ask.
(excitedly) Too bad! We got em! Check it out. [flashes slide]
Well, these may be syringe marks, their placement meant to emulate fangs. Such ritualistic bloodletting points towards cultists of some sort, in which case - (Mulder starts smirking) - what?
(laughing) Yeah, that's probably it - Satanic cultists. Come on, Scully!
You're not gonna tell me this is that Mexican goat sucker.
El Chupacabra? No, they've got four fangs, not two. And they suck goats, hence the name.
So instead this would be..?
Classic vampirism.
Of a bunch of cows?
And one dead human! Last night - a vacationer from New Jersey. [flashes slide] Come on, we gotta go. [Grabs his coat and runs off]
Why the hell didn't you tell me that from the beginning?!
(from offscreen) Lock the door on your way out!
(sighs)
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