Yeah. Okay. Uh.. what she said, that's what I'm thinkin', and, uh... Yeah.
S5 E12Bad Blood
Historically, cemeteries were thought to be a haven for vampires - as are castles, catacombs and swamps, but unfortunately, you don't have any of those.
We used to have swamps, only the EPA made us take to callin' 'em "wetlands".
Anyway, skipping ahead..
Why skipping ahead? (no response) Mulder... you shot out the tires, what then?
[Cuts back to Mulder and Sheriff Hartwell, both trying in vain the shoot out the RV's tires] ..Well, here's something you may not know - shooting out the tires on a runaway RV is a lot harder than it looks. I then tried a different approach.. [Cuts to Mulder being dragged behind the RV as he attempts to hold on to it, screaming loudly]
(voiceover) Tired, frustrated, and lacking a solid lead, I just wanted to get cleaned up. I had the sheriff drop me at the motel, which is where I ran into you.
(sitting on the vibrating bed, yelling at Mulder) What do you mean you want me to do another autopsy?! Why do I have to do it now?! I just spent hours on my feet doing an autopsy, all for you! I do it all for you, Mulder! You know I haven't eaten since 6 o'clock this morning, and that was half a cream cheese bagel. And it wasn't even real cream cheese, it was light cream cheese! Now you want me to run off and do another autopsy?! (finally notices how beaten up he looks) What the hell happened to you?
(voiceover) Finally you left.
(leaving the motel room) Don't you touch that bed!
[Mulder throws his sunflower seeds at Ronnie, which forces him to pick them up]
RSRonnie Strickland
Oh man! What'd you have to go and do that for?! (begins picking up seeds, points at Mulder) You are in big trouble.
[Scully finds Mulder barely conscious in their hotel room]
Mulder?
..Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks? Shaft! Can ya dig it? (Scully looks at Mulder, disbelieving)They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother- shut your mouth! Talkin' 'bout Shaft.
[Cuts to Mulder's office, as he reacts to Scully's version of the story]
I did not!
You're saying that I actually hit him two times.
Square in the chest. No effect.
..and then he sort of flew at me like a flying squirrel.
I don't think I'd use the phrase "flying squirrel" when I talk to Skinner, but.. yeah, that's what happened.
CCoroner
Probable cause of death.. [looking at Ronnie Strickland's body with a stake through the heart] Gee, that's a tough one.
[Mulder and Scully are awaiting outside Skinner's office]
(whispering) Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.
Would you stop that?
It wouldn't hurt.
Stop it.
[Skinner sticks his head out of his office]
Scully, Mulder-
[Mulder jumps to his feet]
I was drugged!
(sighs) ..I want you two back in Texas - Ronnie Strickland's body has gone missing from the morgue; in conjunction with this the coroner's been attacked. His throat was bitten.
The coroner's dead?
(uncomfortably) No.. his throat was.. bitten. It was sort of.. gnawed on. (Mulder and Scully exchange a look) Daylight's burning, agents.
(bewildered) But.. he was dead!
(bemused) I noticed that.
He had a stake through his heart!
I noticed that too.
Mulder, he had fake fangs. Why would a real vampire need fake fangs? I mean, for the sake of argument?
Fangs are very rarely mentioned in the literature; they're more or less an invention of Bram Stoker's. I think you were right before when you said this was about a guy who's watched too many Dracula movies. It's just that he happens to be a real vampire.
(to the sheriff) You can stay behind here with Agent Scully and keep an eye on things where I go check something out. (whispers to Scully, with a bad southern accent) Don't say I never did nothin' for ye!
He's just not who we are anymore. I mean we pay taxes, we're good neighbors. Old Ronnie.. he just can't seem to grasp the concept of.. low profile. But, though he may be a moron, he is one of our own.
So that's it. They simply disappeared without a trace. And that's exactly what happened from start to finish?
..Well I can neither confirm nor deny Agent Mulder's version of events which occurred outside my presence.
And I can neither confirm nor deny Agent Scully's version of events, but, uh..
Anyway... I was drugged.
That is, essentially exactly the way it happened.
Essentially.
..Except for the part about the buck teeth.
S5 E13Patient X
Before the exploration of space, of the moon and the planets, man held that the heavens were the home and province of powerful gods, who controlled not just the vast firmament but the earthly fate of man himself, and that the pantheon of powerful warring deities was the cause and reason for the human condition, for the past and future, and for which great monuments would be created, on earth as in heaven. But in time man replaced these gods with new gods and new religions that provided no more certain or greater answers than those worshipped by his Greek or Roman or Egyptian ancestors. And while we've chosen now our monolithic and benevolent gods and found our certainties in science, believers all, we wait for a sign, a revelation. Our eyes turn skyward, ready to accept the truly incredible, to find our destiny written in the stars. But how do we best look to see? With new eyes or old?
[Alex Krycek and a squad of soldiers approach Marita Covarrubias and a group of UN peacekeeping troops at a mass incineration site]
(speaking in Russian) Under what authority are you corrupting this crime scene?
MCMarita Covarrubias
(responds in Russian) Under the United Nations Charter - Chapter 7, Articles 39 and 42.
(chuckles) Your authority isn't recognized here. Nor are your lies.
MCMarita Covarrubias
These are U.N. peacekeepers. This is a mission of mercy.
This is a mission of fear. Yours and the men you work for.
MCMarita Covarrubias
(scoffs) I don't know what you're talking about.
You go back and you tell them what you've seen here - What you've found.
MCMarita Covarrubias
My name is Marita Covarrubias - I'm a Special Representative to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
I know who you are - I know who you work for. Now you go back and you tell them -
MCMarita Covarrubias
Tell them what? What happened here?
..Tell them it's all going to hell.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The X-Files pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.