TV show quotes
Characters
TrampasDoug McClure · 34 quotes
The VirginianJames Drury · 20 quotes
Stacey GraingerDon Quine · 4 quotes
Steve HillGary Clarke · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Trampas & The Virginian (8), Trampas & Stacey Grainger (3), Trampas & Steve Hill (3)
[The Virginian, Steve and Trampas meet Betsy out riding.]
Yes you are.
I'm what?.
Well I've been thinking about this all day, and trying to make up my mind. Yep, you're pretty!
Um... Thank you, Betsy.
Well what about me?
Uh... Funny.
What about me, Betsy?
I'm going to marry you.
Yes ma'am.
[Trampas and The Virginian are discussing Judge Garth's new four sided clock for the town square.]
I wonder what that cost?
The Judge didn't say.
Well if he's going to throw his money around, he could start by raising my wages.
Well at least this way he can see what he's getting for his money!
Aw, Saturday's a bad day to put a thing like that up.
How come?
Well, I was just thinking, it's goin' to make a mighty fine target to some cowhand with a bellyful of whiskey.
I wouldn't do it, Trampas.
Well, I wasn't thinking of me.
I was.
[A man and his wife enter the Judge's house without knocking, and the Judge becomes upset.]
This is not a public house?
This is not. It is, or was until you came in, a very private one.
Sarah, I feel we are the victims of a practical joke.
Just, just a minute. Who sent you?
One of the hooligans in town.
A deputy sheriff, judging from his badge. I believe he was called Trampas?
Oh.
[The Virginian is telling Molly Wood to leave Trampas and Steve alone about joining the rough riders.]
Molly, don't try it with me!
But you'd look awful handsome in uniform!
I'll bet. And don't put any more wild ideas in their heads.
Is it such a wild idea?
It is. As a matter of fact, in those heads, any idea at all is a complete disaster.
[To Trampas about the Virginian] He still workin' you to death?
Tell him about it.
The only way he'll ever die from overwork is running away from it.
That an absolute true statement.
I once knew a man who could barely write his own name, but he could talk to the birds, he could tell where a mountain cat walked across a bed of pine needles, he could tell his age by the trees, the weather by his bones...after he got old that is. I always considered him to be a poet.
Who was he?"
My father.
[Trampas tries to find homes for a group of orphans.]
I brought 'em back.
Shultz wouldn't take 'em?
He'd take 'em but I wouldn't leave 'em. He went over them like he was buying horses. He even looked at their teeth. All he asked was how much work they could do.
All kids got chores, you know.
Well, he had more than chores in mind. All he wanted was a lot of hard labor for no pay. It made me feel like that fella in Oliver Twist, that Fagin.
You know what I think? I think you got soft headed. Couldn't let 'em go. That's what I think.
[Steve meets a man on the road while he is looking for the Virginian, after they are separated.]
Hey mister, I could use some help.
Whoa. Now how did a young fellow like you get lost? Well, the nearest town is only about --
No, I'm not looking for a town. What I wanted to ask -
Don't tell me you're looking for work! Ah, you shouldn't have any trouble finding a job this time of year!
No I'm not looking for work, I'm trying to track down a man.
Somebody robbed you, huh? Probably a railroad tramp. It happens all the time around here.
It's a friend of mine!
A friend robbed you? Well no wonder you're looking for him! I'll tell you - any man that takes advantage of a friend --
He didn't rob me. We got separated. Now a farmer sold him a horse a few miles back with out a saddle, and I'm trying to find him.
Who, the farmer?
My friend. You didn't happen to see him, did you?
How do you expect me to know who your friends are?
He was riding a horse without a saddle on it. Now, did you happen to see anybody riding a horse without a saddle?
Oh. Haha! No, I haven't seen anybody like that, boy. Well, good luck!!
I'll need it.
[The Virginian is buying a horse from a man.]
In case you want to know, I call him Lightning.
Mister, the first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew you had a sense of humor.
For another 20 bucks I'll throw in this fine saddle!
No, thanks! I wouldn't want to rob you.
[A girl makes her horse rear in an unsuccessful attempt to appear helpless to the Virginian. While she rides the horse, he calmly re-ties his rope, and waits for her to come back.]
Good runner, isn't he?
Do you realize I could've been killed?
Do you realize I'm not quite as big a greenhorn as you thought I was?
I'll try to keep it in mind.
Good.
I don't know what you're up to, but we don't want your kind in our town.
My kind? What's that?
What you were when you left here. A card cheat, a shiftless, no good to anybody. You and your pa.
If my pa and me wanted to cheat, you would have never known about it.
High man?
High man. Not your deck.
Steve, you act as if you can't trust me.
I don't know where you ever got that idea, Trampas.
Trampas, if you were in trouble with the law would you go to a woman lawyer?
Why not, if she were pretty.
No, I'm serious.
I think women would make good lawyers. They're born devious.
Women are devious? Who was it that made a date with two girls for the same dance and then told them he was sick with quinsy and couldn't go?
That wasn't being devious. That's what you call self preservation.
[Trampas is on his way to Laramie with a woman faro dealer, a boy, and a baby. After making a messy diaper change, he lets the woman take over.]
I'll admit your diaper looks better than mine. Thought you said you didn't know anything about babies.
Oh, there's just some things that anybody knows, except those that are just plain stupid.
I'm not stupid. I'm ignorant. There's a difference.
[Ryker, Trampas and Randy are telling tall tales in the hotel's saloon.]
That ain't nothing. Why I had a rifle one time that could knock down a prairie dog two miles away.
That so?
Why I had the range measured by a licensed surveyor. Two miles even. That was his sworn testimony.
I had a long rifle like that one time. Carried quite a bit further though.
Furthur?
Three miles.
Carried so far I had to use smoked and salted bullets.
Smoked and salted bullets?
Well like I said, it killed at such a distance, if I didn't use them smoked and salted bullets, the game would spoil before I could get to it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Virginian pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.