Mr... Sikes, head of corporate accounts. Oops. Sorry about that. Yeah. Can't have you mumbling any of those annoying Traveler ditties. It's a sure migraine. So here's the deal. My brother and my girl have both been kidnapped by Travelers, and I can't seem to find them anywhere. I mean, like, poof, gone, right? So besides a completely clueless hybrid in my basement and a cave full of sleeping Travelers, I've got nothing to go on except you, so I'm gonna need you to tell me where I can find your leader Markos. [Caroline sighs] What's up, Blondie?
“Promised Land” · Season 5, Episode 21
In this episode: Damon Salvatore (4), Stefan Salvatore (3), Elena Gilbert (2), Bonnie Bennett (1), Enzo St. John (1), Liv (1), Luke (1)
You have Elena participating in squirrel slaughter?
Believe me, she's no happier about it than I am.
Heh heh. She'll shoot your eye out.
He says you promised to bring him back.
Uh, you're paraphrasing. He said, quote, I will find a way.
Whatever.
Hello. Still here, and I know what I said.
Bey. Remind him he doesn't have a very good track record for keeping promises.
Please stop talking.
The other side is on the brink of collapse. I plan on pestering all of you until I'm safely returned to the land of the living.
You need to fix this before I lose my mind.
Hey. I'm sorry, ok? I've got two missing Doppelgängers, I've got a Traveler that wants to rid our town of magic, and I've got the friendly banker Mr. Sikes in the coat closet, so escape from the netherworld's gonna have to wait until tomorrow. [Enzo throws a bottle of booze into fireplace]
I think he wants to be penciled in for today.
[Diner: Liv is sitting at a table when Luke enters and sits opposite her.]
I ordered us waffles. I figured our last meal wouldn't be complete until we poured liquid sugar all over it.
[Looking at a menu] My ray of sunshine sister.
[Lowers Luke's menu] The coven's pissed, Luke. You were supposed to hide Stefan and Elena from the Travelers, and you practically delivered them on a silver platter.
Okay, how was I suppose to know that "Casper the English Ghost" would be a complication?
That's not the point. We were never suppose to let things get this far. We got sucked into some stupid "let's be friends," trap.
Look, these people are nice, okay? More than I can say for our screwed up family.
[The utensils sitting in front of Luke begin to shake violently. Luke gets a headache and clutches his head while groaning in pain.]
What are you doing?
It's not me. Like I said, the coven is pissed.
Fine, I'm listening!
[The utensils stop shaking.]
We were supposed to keep the doppelgängers from falling into Markos' hands. We failed. We can't let them succeed in taking away our magic. There's only one move left: We have to kill Stefan and Elena.
Yeah. [Sips from his drink.]
How many, um--ahem--you know, are we supposed to have before we get our strength back?
More than we've had, that's for sure. Let me know if you see a damn buffalo.
This is depressing.
Yeah. More depressing than walking for miles and no knowing where the hell you're going?
No, probably not more depressing than that.
Damon is in full hero mode today.
I'm sure he was thrilled about that.
I don't know. He had the whole savior of the universe voice going on.
I like that voice. You know, maybe this whole thing's a sign.
A sign of what?
My blood can literally destroy him. If that's not a sign that were in a toxic relationship--
Our blood, all right, our blood. Don't hog the blame. Look. We're vampires. We're a toxic species. Whether you want to blame it on magic or biology, it's just who we are. When a human gets ravenously hungry, they eat a double cheeseburger. We kill people. Some of us are more extreme than others, but that's just who we are.
How come you're so much better at controlling it?
Because I'm so much worse when I don't. I'm only gonna say this once. You two are miserable without each other, so if you want to be with him, just be with him. Look. When humans want to break free from complicated relationships, they go to therapy. Vampires get a pass, ok?
I think I just hallucinated a unicorn.
Hmm. Maybe Caroline's nearby.
Heh. If Caroline was here, we'd have a fully catered buffet on the side of the road and a rainbow.
Two rainbows.
Salvatore Boring House.
MMarkos
I'm calling about my people.
Hey. You found my note. Now listen. Don't be offended, but I can't just give them to anyone, so what do they look like?
MMarkos
They're ragged, beaten down by the world, desperate for a home.
You just described homeless people, aging hipsters and Matt Donovan.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Vampire Diaries pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.