Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Damon

I need more.

Stefan

Too bad.

Damon

That was nothing.

Stefan

That's exactly 4 ounces. When you were out killing vampires, you said one vampire kept you good for 8 hours. So, our friend Caroline did a little bit of math--

Damon

Caroline?

Stefan

Relax. She had a calculator. So, 4 ounces 3 times a day should be just enough to help manage the hunger.

Damon

I need blood.

Tyler

You just had your lunch 30 minutes ago.

Damon

Or you could give me a couple sips of that hybrid juice. I can be on my way and I'll take up my ripper situation with Wes.

Tyler

Not gonna happen.

Damon

Can I ask you a question without you getting all wolf man on me?

Tyler

Do I have a choice?

Damon

Why are you still here?

Tyler

I'm a hybrid, and you need a babysitter.

Damon

Oh, no, I mean here, in Mystic Falls, here. Your family's all dead, and I don't see you getting a job at the grill. Yet I don't see you in a Whitmore hoodie, either. Something tells me that there's a little masochistic voice inside your head that's trying to convince you that you and Caroline still have a fighting chance in hell.

Tyler

I think you have enough problems without having to worry about me.

Damon

You're probably right. One small difference between you and me - you want to hear it?

Tyler

Not especially.

Damon

You see, even after all the terrible things I do, Elena still chose me. Because she's fighting for me. Caroline, on the other hand, chose the nuclear option. You know that big, red button that just nukes your entire relationship once as for all? Well, sleeping with the guy that killed your mom was kind of her way of slamming her hand down.

Tyler

You think Elena will still want you back after this? It's over, Damon. Fix yourself and run. Far away.

Damon

I plan on it. How's New Orleans this time of year?

Tyler

You really think Elena's gonna forgive you? Look at you. You killed her friend. You almost killed her brother. You nearly killed her. You're a joke, Damon.

Damon

Says the guy pining after the girl who slept with Klaus.

Tyler

You don't know anything about me.

Damon

I know how to get you in this cell.

Katherine

Ok. So. Who's got the knife? Which one of you is gonna get to kill the elusive Katherine Pierce once and for all? (no one says anything) What? Suddenly everyone's speechless? When I was on my deathbed you all had plenty to say. Is it you, Tyler? Because I triggered your werewolf curse? Have you an identity and made you better?

Tyler

You've done nothing for me.

Katherine

Oh, please, Tyler. If I hadn't walked into your life, you'd just be a wasted nobody with a boozy mom and a temper problem.

Caroline

Don't. Don't.

Katherine

And you. I'm not worried about you offing me. Because we both know I made you better by making you a vampire.

Caroline

Goodbye, Katherine.

Katherine

Bye-bye, Caroline. Ooh. The one girl here who actually appreciates how beautiful you are. You wouldn't stab me in the heart, would you? Matty blue. No, I don't think so. You will definitely go down as the best night I never had. Oh, well.

Matt

Oh, well.

Katherine

Well, little Gilbert, it was nice to have a brother for a second there. When you weren't being so damn annoying. Bon Bon, no need for good-byes. I'll see you on the flip side. Damon. Oh, how you'd love nothing more than to drive that blade right through me.

Damon

We've already done this, Kitty Kat. I've said all I needed to say.

Katherine

I know, but I never got to say what I needed to say to you. I'm sorry. You blame me for who you are. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I turned you. I'm sorry that you didn't get to die as a forgotten nobody on a bloody battlefield, and your father didn't get to live another day to be disgraced by you. Damon, I'm sorry that I have your life purpose. Passion. Drive. Desire. I'm sorry that you are who you are because I'm the one that taught you how to love.

Damon

I'll see you in hell, Katherine.

Katherine

Stefan. You know, I always wondered what it would be like to be loved by you. You've got to admit, that one fleeting moment... Your feelings were real. This truly has been the role of a lifetime. Stefan, I love you. I've always loved you. (Katherine kisses Stefan, Stefan stabs her) Then I guess this is how our love story ends.

Damon

Caroline and an original hybrid sittin' in a tree...

Elena

No. Are you serious? Caroline and Klaus? Wait, does Tyler know about this?

Damon

Yup, and guess who told him.

Elena

Katherine? (sighs) Katherine is such a bitch.

Damon

That she is.

Damon

Katherine didn't do this. I did. I thought you broke my heart, so I ripped open Aaron's neck - that is how much control you have over me.

Elena

And I'm still here. That's how much control you have over me.

Damon

Listen to us! This is toxic! We are in a toxic relationship, Elena. I just killed your friend and you find someone else to blame!

Elena

You want me to blame you? Easy. Done! You screwed up Damon. Again.

Damon

Thank you!

Elena

You put me in a position where I have to defend you, again. Where I have to bend my morals, again. Where I have to go against everything single thing that I believe in, again, 'cause I love you!

Damon

Well then stop loving me!

Elena

I can't!

Damon

Morning, Sunshine.

Elena

Oh. Um... did I wake you?

Damon

No. I've been up for three hours.

Elena

Really? Because you didn't say a word.

Damon

Neither did you.

Elena

Well--ahem-- that's because I didn't really have much to say. Nothing's changed. We're still bad for each other, and we are still broken up. Last night was a mistake.

Damon

Maybe we should keep making mistakes. Big ones.

Elena

Just because Jeremy is a bad student doesn't mean that he's cheating on Bonnie.

Damon

You're making excuses for someone you love. That's what you do. The worse the behavior, the more you try and defend.

Elena

And you keep trying to make this about us.

Damon

Yeah, because you keep trying to make it about anything else.

Elena

You know what? Fine. But don't pretend that you came here for Jeremy. If you want to talk about last night, talk.

Damon

Here's the thing, Elena, I don't know what to say or do or think. All I know is that right now I want to rip your clothes off right here in the middle of this hall and throw you in one of these classrooms and kiss every square inch of your body while a bunch of people that drive minivans listen, wishing they were us. (pauses) That's probably a bad idea, right?

Elena

Right.

Damon

Right. (bell rings) See you in class.

Elena

Enough.

Damon

Hardly. She [Liv] was two seconds away form killing you. I want to know why, so I am gonna rip this nasty rag out of your mouth. If I hear so much as one syllable of hocus-pocus, one of us is gonna break your neck. Spoiler alert- it's gonna be me.

Damon

(not answering Elena's call) Damon: One, Temptation: Zero.

Enzo

(answering Caroline's call) Temptation: One, Enzo-- Hello Gorgeous.

Elena

What are you doing out here?

Damon

Oh, you know. Looking at the stars, listening to the universe laughing at me.

Elena

Damon...

Damon

We were doomed from the beginning, Elena. We were always gonna end up here.

Elena

Damon...they're just visions. As soon as we find Markos, they'll stop.

Damon

And then what? We're friends? Can't wait.

Elena

[in the visions] I saw...a perfect life. Stefan and I were married, we had kids... It was everything that we wanted.

Damon

Well, we could always ask Markos to put 'em back-

Elena

But it's not real. You and I? We're messy and complicated, but...we're real.

Damon

And really bad for each other. Did you forget that part?

Damon

No, Elena, I can't be your friend. It's too damn hard.

Elena

Damon-

Damon

No, I'm serious, Elena - I can't see you anymore. I don't wanna hear your voice, I don't wanna talk to you, I don't even want to look at you, and I sure as hell don't want to be your friend.

Damon

Oh, I’m so sorry to interrupt...whatever weird ritual you two were doing but, I just wanted to de-passenger the great citizens of Mystic Falls using the magical Traveler knife so, hand it over.

Matt

It’s gonna be a problem...

Damon

Five words that make me wanna vamp-toss my keys into your chest cavity. Little Gilbert, help me in the fight against my dark side and elaborate, please.

Jeremy

We can’t find it.

Damon

As in, you lost it?

Matt

As in, it’s not here!

Damon

You're right. Don’t invite me in, because I will kill both of you.

Damon

Perfect. You [Tyler] avoid the entire Czech language, figure out how to find Markos.

Tyler

How am I supposed to do that?

Damon

Well, you have a Traveler inside of you. I mean, I have probably misplaced faith that you'll figure it out. Meanwhile, you and I and our ex-girlfriend are gonna go on a little secret trip.

Damon

What game?

Caroline

Charades. Our theme is secrets that people think they're getting away with.

Damon

Well, Meryl Streep, I'd love to know how we're gonna act out Watergate.

Caroline

Well, I'm sure team Stelena will figure it out.

Damon

A, you just implied that I was on your team. Two, you just gave me that judge little hinty voice. So what am I missing?

Caroline

It's probably nothing.

Damon

Speak.

Caroline

Well, don't you think that Stefan and Elena have been a little... you know?

Damon

No. Clearly I don't.

Caroline

Secretive? I caught them being all hushed and whispery at the car this morning, and now they're getting firewood out of the shed together, which apparently takes twenty minutes.

Damon

You know, now that you mention it, Elena got all cagey when I brought up Enzo.

Caroline

No, no. I'm not talking about Enzo. I'm talking about Stefan and Elena.

Damon

How much have you had to drink?