Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Damon

I'm...lost.

And you're laying in the middle of the road?

Damon

Not that kind of lost. Metaphorically...existentially...

Do you need help?

Damon

Well, yes, I do. Can you help me?

Damon

Don't move.

I don't want any trouble!

Damon

Neither do I! But it's all I got, is trouble.

...Why can't I move?

Damon

What's your name?

Jessica.

Damon

Hi, Jessica. I have a secret. I have a big one. And I never said it out loud! I mean, what’s the point? It’s not gonna change anything, it’s not gonna make me good; make me an adopt a puppy... (pause) I can’t be what other people want me to be; what she wants me to be. This is who I am, Jessica.

Are you gonna hurt me?

Damon

I'm not sure. Because you...are my existential crisis. Do I kill you? Or do I not kill you?

(sobbing) Please don't.

Damon

But I have to, Jessica. Because I'm not human. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world! That is my secret.

Stefan

I went to go look for Isobel, and I get John instead. He said he can help us, and we're desperate.

Damon

We're not that desperate, Stefan. The guy tried to barbecue me!

Damon

Great work, Stefan. Top notch. As if I didn't have enough problems.

Stefan

Hey. I'm sorry about Rose.

Damon

Whatever. I knew the woman for five minutes.

Stefan

And you cared about her, after five minutes. I wonder what that means?

Damon

(scoffs) It means I care, Stefan. It means I'm changing - evolving into a man capable of greatness...

Elena

Please don't do anything stupid.

Damon

Yeah, but stupid's so much more fun!

Elena

Damon, I mean it! All I'm asking is that you try to keep it together. Be the better man.

Damon

...Okay, then.

John

You guys are drinking vervain?

Damon

It's an acquired taste. I don't see that magical ring on your stitched finger, so if you know something about Klaus, you better start talking, or I will kill you in your sleep.

Elena

You totally blew her off.

Damon

I'm steering clear of all women at the moment.

Elena

You didn't have to be rude.

Damon

Trust me, it's in the best interest of women everywhere.

Damon

He's a werewolf. He needs to die, I'm willing kill him, it's a win-win!

Elena

Damon, please. Okay? Too many people are dead.

Damon

You need to stop doing that.

Elena

Doing what?

Damon

Assuming that I'll play the good guy because it's you who's asking.

Damon

Do you mind?

John

What's going on?

Elena

Nothing.

John

It doesn't look like nothing.

Damon

Well, guess what, John? Trust works both ways. Get out.

Andie

What do you want, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome?

Damon

I'm not that tall.

Andie

Why do you kill people?

Damon

Because I like it. It's in my nature. It's who I am. But then I have to stay together here, to protect her, and she wants me to be a better man, which means I can't be who I am. Do you see the problem I am having, Andie?

Andie

Or maybe this is who you are now. Love does that, Damon. It changes us.

Damon

(sighs) Just stop talking.

Damon

My new girlfriend - Andie Star, Action News.

Alaric

It's not called action news.

Damon

I know. I just like saying it.

Stefan

Try not to get yourself killed.

Damon

Yeah. It's been a day for that.

Stefan

Are you actually gonna be careful for once?

Damon

Yes, I've become you. How tragic for both of us. Gotta run. Have a murder to plan. Busy day.

Damon

You sound about jealous. Does he sound about jealous?

Andie

You kind of do.