Malcolm, Cal and others in “Series 3, Episode 8”

Malcolm

I know what people say to you, right? They say: 'We hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.' Everybody hates you. So fucking what? Some people, they just fucking love to hate. Some people, they'd fucking walk around the fucking Garden of Eden fucking moaning about the lack of fucking mobile reception. These are the kind of fucks who watched Mandela – fucking Nelson Mandela – walk to freedom, and said 'Is Diagnosis: Murder not on the other side?' So we fucking forget about them.

Cal

This government has run this country into the ground. This used to be a green and pleasant land, now it's the colour of the fucking BBC Weather map. It looks like anaemic dogshit.

Malcolm

JB, Cal Richards, and their hordes of fucking robots, they're coming over the hill, towards us! And all you have got to do is this: bend down, pick up any fucking weapon you can, and twat the fuckery out of them –

Cal

This government is maimed, but it can't be shamed. It will. Be. FUCKED!

Malcolm

Let's get out there, and let's fucking kill them, LET'S SET FIRE TO TEARS! Let's go! (all applaud and cheer) Come on! Let's go, yes!

Cal

OK, let's get going.

Cal

(on an office phone) What do I call for an outside line?

Emma

That was great, wasn't it?

Phil

What do we do?

Cal

Is it 9, 'cause that's what it is everywhere else?