(Julius barges into Malcolm's office -- and no, Julius is NOT in a good mood!)
You...
Julius!
...are a naughty bastard!
(holding up Julius' report) Best thing I've read all year. It's the only thing, mind you.
You've done some pretty awful things to me in my time, but this takes the bloody biscuit. And you've pissed on that biscuit and I've got to eat it. Well, here's the news, Malcolm, I will not eat the pissy biscuit!
Sam, no pissy biscuits. (to Julius) What are you going on about, Julius?
You made it look as if Steve Fleming leant on me so that I would wrongly exonerate him. And as a result, I had to come down upon him like a ton of bricks. Totally unfairly just to protect my unimpeachable reputation for fairness.
Yeah, well. It's a great report. I mean, what I really like about it is it's fucking short. How long did it take you to rewrite the Steve Fleming stuff?
I pulled an all-nighter. Black coffee, Vivaldi on the iPod Touch.
It was certainly worth it. I mean, he comes over as a 28-carat shite.
(Steve enters Malcolm's office, and he's not happy either.)
(to Steve) Oh, Steve, mate. Have you seen the papers? Looks like you're becoming the story.
(to Steve) Steven, can I begin by saying...
(to Julius) Oh no, I understand, Julius. It's the game we play. You did what you had to do.
Yes, but all the same, Steven...
STEVE!
(to Steve) I'm sorry. (to Malcolm, unhappily) I'll not forget this.
(After giving Malcolm an ice cold stare, Steve gets ready to go back to his office and clear his desk.)
You off to clear your desk, Steve? Don't forget your lucky gonk, and your "World's Shittiest Dad" mug.
(returning to Malcolm) We were on the same side, Malcolm, and you fucked me over.
Not me, Steve-o, not me. The independent report. So you know, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to go.
Oh, I agree with you, I'm going. I'm gonna resign from the Cabinet. And then, I'm going to go and join Dan Miller's team. (beat) I think we need a new leader. (walks off)
(following) Steve!
Oh, no, no, no!
Steve, don't you ever take up fucking poker, 'cause you're a crap liar.
I am gonna join Dan Miller's team and then we are gonna take you down. We are gonna take you down to funky town! Funky Town Centre, here you come! CHOO FUCKING CHOO!
Is this what you're threatening me with, fucking disco lights and a fucking choo-choo train? You're a joke, Steve!
(laughing) There's nothing you can do!
Steve!
Yeah?
There's one thing I can do!
What are you gonna do?
Yeah, wouldn't you like to know!
Who are you gonna meet? Who's your meeting with?
(walking off) Bye-bye!
I'M NOT FUCKING WORRIED, MATE! (walks down the corridor) Fuck him! Fuck him! Fuck him! Fuck him!
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