(Nicola suspects that Malcolm set up the 'I am bent' photos)
Malcolm. Sorry, can we just carry on talking about that thing? Was it you who positioned me there?
(waiting for a lift) Do you know what the first sign of madness is? Paranoia. Have you seen that film, you know, A Beautiful Mind, the one with that, err, Russell Crowe? The one where the maths guy thinks that the CIA are working away in his shed at the bottom of his garden? That's you.
No. I'm not the mad one here. You are the mad one, you're Russell Crowe.
No, no, no, no, you are Russell Crowe. (waves patronisingly at her) And you need to fucking listen to me, Russell, you fucking Antipodean fucking kangaroo-loving fruitcake! See this poster stuff? That's fucking small fry. That's fucking whitebait, Russ me old cobber. (enters the lift) The really horrible stuff, that's all still about to happen to you, right? Right, you're coming in here so we can carry this on?
What, now?
Err, if you can spare the time!
Err, no. (pause) No, I can't – I don't use lifts, I'm claustrophobic.
(incredulous) You're what?
Not hugely, I can be in rooms, you've seen that, I just... don't do lifts, that's all.
But this lift is – I mean, it's fucking huge! I mean, this is bigger than some rooms, this is bigger than some people's flats!
It's about not being able to get out.
Oh, well that's great. That's fucking great, that's another fucking thing, right there: not only have you got a fucking bent husband and a fucking daughter that gets taken to school in a fucking sedan chair, you're also fucking mental! Jesus Christ, see you, you are a fucking omnishambles, that's what you are. You're like that coffee machine, you know: "from bean to cup, you fuck up".
(to herself, returning to her office) He so is Russell Crowe!
(at her desk, overhearing) Who?
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