[The next day, Hugh is in Malcolm's office...arguing about "Flatgate."]
It's a flat!
It is a second home! In a borough with thousands of homeless people that you have kept more or less empty for ages! Have you not read your own Housing Bill, for God's sake?
It wasn't-I only kept it empty for a little while to see my bloody family. Obviously, on reflection, I should have filled it with prostitutes and, and rent boys and crack cocaine pimp tattoo freaks.
Thanks to Dan Miller and his like, the Housing Bill is a success, but this is burying the whole thing!
Well, what do you want me to do? Resign? [Malcolm stares at him] No, no! No, that is – I'm not going over this.
The way out of this situation is for you to –
This is madness, Malcolm, this desire for perfection, that – I am not perfect, I am just a person, right? I need to sleep, I need to eat, occasionally I need to take a dump. So, I mean, what's next, I mean, do we put that on the evening news, on the front page? "Minister is disgusting defecation outburst". Mollie Sugden at Number 10: "Did you enjoy your shit, Mr Abbot?" They should just clone ministers, you know, so we're born at 55, with no past, and no flats, and no genitals. Just a world of robots in a sort of – It's like a futuristic film, and you'd enjoy that, wouldn't you? You'd be in your little space station surrounded by obedient androids, like that fucking brushed-aluminium Dan Miller cyber-prick!
It is possible to have a good resignation, you know!
"A good resignation"?! Oh, I'm looking forward to how you're gonna sell this to me!
Look, people really like it when you go just a bit early! You know, steely-jawed, faraway look in your eyes! Before they're getting to the point when they're sitting round in the pub saying "Oh, that fucker's got to go", you surprise them! "Blimey, he's gone! I didn't expect that! Resigned? You don't see that much anymore! Old school! Respect! I rather liked the guy! He was hounded out by the fucking press!" How about that, huh?! What a way to go, yeah?!
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