A character in The Sarah Silverman Program.
Played by Laura Silverman
The Sarah Silverman Program. · 31 quotes
Tied for 2nd most-quoted character in The Sarah Silverman Program.: in 7 of its 31 quotes
Most scenes with: Sarah (7), Brian (2), Jay (2)
Yeah, so my partner got suspended because this Hispanic kid pulls a gun on him, Paul opens fire. Turns out it's a pellet gun. It looked really real, though.
LauraThere should be a law that those things have to come in bright colors.
Laura, they're human beings!
I'm a victim of a hate crime!
What?
It's true. The country club would not let me play tennis because I'm Jewish. She's like what's your name, Silverman? And she's like GET OUT - JEW.
LauraShe said that?
Yeah, basically. With her eyes. It's like I'm a second class citizen. There's nothing harder than being Jewish in the entire world.
What are you guys talking about?
LauraThe anti-discrimination bill...for gay people.
Yeah, so like now if someone tries to light you on fire or chop off your penis or something, they go to jail, instead of like getting a trophy. I think it's good.
I hate when you leave, but I love watchin' you go.
LauraEw, Sarah that's gross
And then she speaks.
LauraSooo, God seems nice.
He's so nice.
LauraOhhh...
He's so tender. Like, earlier this afternoon I had the worst diarrhea and he acted like he didn't hear anything...
LauraOh...
... you know. No jokes, no teases. Listen to me, I'm...I sound so adult.
LauraI mean that's why all the best TV shows are about hospitals or cops.
Well, um, that's funny cause Lost isn't a hospital or a cop.
These are words we all say every single day. Squeak a Henry. Talk to the hand. Chillax. Ozay. What's that? You've never heard of "ozay"? Huh. Maybe it's because I just made it up. Congratulations everybody. You are witness to history in the making today. Because "ozay" is going to be greatest thing since saying "the greatest thing since sliced bread". She said that to you? Ozay! How much did that cost? O-zay! The waitress forgot to bring your bacon? Ozay!
[Steve adjusts his glasses while holding a pen, making a dot on the tip of his nose]
I have a new word, too. "Dotnose".
LauraWhat does that mean?
Oh, you know, it's when something's super obvious. It's just dotnose.
LauraI don't un— [notices dot on Steve's nose] oh, oh, like when something's written all over your face, it's a total dotnose situation.
That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Careful, Steve, you're being a real dotnose.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Sarah Silverman Program. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
