The Rockford Files quotes

Jim

Look, I don't have a lead!

Except...

Jim

Some avenging feminist with a black belt in auto repairing.

Jim

It's my client's book, part Dear Abby, part Norman Vincent Peale and part Kama Sutra.

Rocky

What's a Kama Sutra?

Jim

It's a...uh...how-to book.

Jim

Somebody took a shot at her.

Dennis

Are you sure it wasn't a backfire?

Jim

It was a shot, Dennis.

Dennis

The doorman thinks it was a backfire.

Jim

Oh, and some expert he is since he's heard so many gunshots!

Dennis

He's heard a lot of backfires!

Rocky

Well anyone who keeps dirty laundry in their desk I think is pretty...

Jim

I knew right where to find it didn't I?

Rocky

Don't worry, Sonny. I mean, they can't throw you in jail for something you didn't do!

Jim

Isn't that what you said before I spent those fun-filled years at Quentin?

Rocky

Jimmy didn't kill nobody!

Jim

Jimmy's gun did.

Now you wanna know what I think about the water shortage, right?

Right.

There isn't any.

What do you mean there isn't any?

Look, Ray, I heard all about your so-called drought. The fact is, we got plenty of water.

Is that so? Where?

Okay, I'll tell you where it is. We're selling it to the Arabs.

The who?

The Arabs! They got nothing but sand and money.

Look Lee, get to the point.

Listen, if you were sitting in the middle of a desert, what would you be looking to import?

Lee, you are pretty off-base today.

And who suffers? We do! I can remember a time here in California when we grew tomatoes the size of cantaloupes and cantaloupes the size of...

That's a pretty flaky theory, who'd sell our water?

Well, it's them bleeding hearts back in Washington, that's who! Trying to keep the whole world happy and to hell with the American people! Well, I got my sprinklers going, and I'm gonna keep them going, and to hell with the Arabs!

Jim

Gandy's carrying around a $12 grudge in a $3 hat. He's not gonna be too gentle when it comes to collecting, so you either give me some answers or I'll drop him on your doorstep.

You wouldn't do that!

Jim

Watch me!

Jimmy. Lou. You owe me five bucks. Madarazo's average in the '68 Series was .310 not .350. Oh and, ha, ha, Fred and I are getting divorced.

Jim

But I will need a diversion so I can get back to Bloomberg's room and try to talk to him.

Angel

Oh! Now we're getting to the nitty-gritty. Now it's beginning to make sense. "Come on over to Rocky's, Angel." Serve my favorite food. First time I been invited over here for so much as a glass of water!

Rocky

[to Mary Jo] I could use a little help in the kitchen with the coffee and dessert.

Angel

Forget about the dessert! You don't buy Angel Martin with a couple of drumsticks and some red eye gravy.

Mr. Rockford? Sue Ellen. Our class is having that crazy scavenger hunt I told you about. If you're wondering what happened to your trailer door, it's gonna win me first prize!

Jim

You've flipped from Ashram to watertank and back! Are you any happier for it? Look around you. You see a lotta bliss out there?

I don't think I've done so bad for being 32 years old.

Jim

You're 40. I've seen your driver's license.

I was 40, but I'm making positive affirmations! I'm 32. I'm youthing myself.

Jim

You're 40!

But I don't want to get old.

Jim

Well, neither do I!

But you see we don't have to. Not if...

Jim

There's nothing you can do about it. That's the way it is. I'm sorry to be the bearer of the bad news. There's no easy answer, you know. No quickie nirvana. You don't like it, tough! Join the club!

Hey, am I too late for those African goats? Haven't got the whole three hundred cash, but I've got a lot of homemade cheese. Maybe we could work something out?

Dennis

Let me get this straight: You have a client who has the same name as Herman Goering's HOUSE?!

You met up with the Surete. They actually followed me. That's why I had that horrible feeling I was being watched. And they're the ones who ransacked my room!

Jim

Oh no, not nearly so simple. Your room was ransacked by an Olympic wrestling champion and a German ex-neurosurgeon.