The Rockford Files Season 1 quotes

Sara Butler

[Referring to Jim's trailer] This is your office?

Jim

Yeah, it's cheap, it's tax-deductible, earthquake-proof, and when I get a job out of town, I'll take it with me.

Sara Butler

You aren't afraid of him, are you?

Jim

You're damn right I am!

Sara Butler

How much of my own money am I going to earn back?

Jim

I usually pay my operatives 20 bucks an hour for this kind of thing.

Sara Butler

I wouldn't do it for less than 50.

Jim

You know what's wrong with karate, Jerry? It's based on the ridiculous assumption that the other guy will fight fair.

Who are you, the boyfriend?

Jim

No, what I am is about fifty pounds heavier and a whole lot meaner.

[meeting Jim, who is posing as a Dean of Admissions] You look like a truck driver in a suit.

This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

[beeep] Hey, Jim, this is Norma down at the market. The check bounced. You want us to tear it up, send it back, or put it with the others?

Jim

I'm investigating the Kirkoff killings and I heard you were having an affair with Mrs. Kirkoff before she was killed.

Private cop, huh?

Jim

Look, you aren't gonna shoot anybody, we both know it, so why don't you put that thing away before you have an accident.

Who're you working for?

Jim

Well, that's confidential.

Jim

Larry Kirkoff.

Jim

I have been sitting here answering questions in my shorts for a reasonable length of time! Now I want my pants and I want to get out of here, alright?

Dennis Becker

I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Jim: I'm going to fill this out, give it to patrol, but don't count on much.

Jim

Now what is that supposed to mean? I got kidnapped by two guys, and they beat the poo out of me, I'm making a legitimate complaint. What do you mean, "don't count on too much," I'm counting on you and this girl scout troop in here, to solve it.

Dennis Becker

Shut up, will ya? What do I have to do, spell it out for you? You know, you're not exactly Princess Margaret in this department. Every time you come in here with a bloody nose, morale goes up ten points, and if I weren't a buddy of yours I wouldn't even type this up. OK?

Jim

I have a special this week - Opinions come with no extra charge.

Jim

If you think that's going to stop me, you've got a short memory.

Beth Davenport

Don't you even care if she's innocent?

Jim

Beth, I spent five years in prison. While I was there I never met anybody who wasn't "innocent."

Beth Davenport

Please Jim, for me? [pause] I guess I've never been able to quite pull that off, have I?

Jim

We're all scared to death. I guess that's the penalty we pay for living in a world where all the price tags end in 99 cents and they sell mortuary plots on billboards next to the freeway. What you do is, you just keep laughing. Stop worrying about it. You're playing a big practical joke, just keep laughing.