The Owl House · Season 1
Luz needs our help! I know she pushed you guys, and she always gets in over her head. She can be so stupid. [smiling] Which I love... [blushing] I mean, hate! In any case, she needs you right now! [smiling again] Which is sweet... [blushing again] I mean, I hate it, and it's dumb!
[Willow looks suspicious]
You lost me.
Oh thorns...
Wha-What happened?
She caught the Rusty Smidge.
The what?!
Yeah, while you were celebrating your "victory", I caught this guy. It means we automatically win. All magic sports are like this.
[completely furious] That just invalidates all our efforts! If catching that thing is so important, why do anything else?! There's no reason to watch any of the other players! THAT'S SUCH A STUPID RULE!
[Emperor Belos receives Lilith as Luz watches through a keyhole in the throne room doors]
[kneels] I am at your service, Emperor Belos.
Just a moment, Lilith. [cracks open a palisman offered by his guards and absorbs its essence] Ah...that's better. [Luz, horrified, gasps and retreats with her hand covering her mouth] How's the hunt for the Owl Lady? I hear you attempted a raid this morning.
Yes, but we were...
Unsuccessful. That was obvious enough. It's been a little over a month since you promised to bring me the Owl Lady. Well, where is she?
If I just had more time, I...
I'm getting bored of your excuses, Lilith. Don't worry, I'll give you the time you need. Bring the Owl Lady to me by twilight. She'll join the Emperor's Coven, and in return, I'll heal her little curse. But if you fail... [claws at his throne's armrest; the giant heart above the throne beats faster and more frantically] You will be stripped of your rank and banished from my coven. You do know what happens to covenless witches, don't you?
[Lilith fearfully eyes the murals next to the throne, knowing she is down to her last chance]
[stands] I...I understand. I will not fail. [she leaves]
[while fighting Eda] It's sad to see you slowing down, sister. Tell me, is it the curse?
Maybe it is the curse. But then how pathetic are you, that you can't best me at my worst?!
[she unleashes a flurry of energy bolts as Lilith shields herself with a force field]
Maybe you are stronger than me, but that made me work smarter! I became sharp, crafty!
A lapdog for a tyrant!
You always thought you were better than me! That I could never beat you in anything!
I am better than you!
[enraged] THEN WHY WERE YOU SO EASY TO CURSE?!
[Belos has just captured King and Lilith, leaving Luz alone to face him]
Let my friends go or else! [attacks with ice spikes, which stop just short of his face]
[unfazed] Okay... [teleports behind her] I'll play. [retaliates and quickly overpowers Luz despite her resistance] What's wrong, human? I thought you wanted to fight. [pins her down] Had enough?
Not even close.
[she catches him off-guard with an ice spell that chips off part of his mask]
[chuckles, impressed] I like your spirit. But try that again and things won't end well for you. [releases her] Now, I'm just a humble messenger for the Titan. In the grand scheme of things, the Owl Lady's life is inconsequential. But then you showed up. If you want to save your mentor, give me the portal to the Human Realm.
But...my home...
[outside, the petrification begins; Eda shields King and Lilith and screams in pain, which Luz hears]
[smirks] You probably think we want to invade the Human Realm, but the Titan's will is not so boorish. You'll understand soon. Tick-tock, human. The Owl Lady doesn't have much time left.
[Luz, King, and the Clawthorne sisters land outside the Owl House after escaping the Emperor's Coven]
Don't worry, Eda. I'll run and get you some elixir and...
No, human. No amount of elixir can heal her now. [to Eda] Oh, sister... I should have done this a long time ago. With this spell declared, let the pain be shared.
[Lilith proceeds to magically share Eda's curse, reverting Eda back to her normal self]
We'll get back into Hexside or die trying!
No one's dying.
Not with that attitude.
Mrs. Clawthorne? [clears throat, puts on fake voice] What a fortuitous, uh, surprise!
[sternly] You know, right after Eda was cursed, I joined the Beast Keeper Coven. I thought they surely would know what to do. But the beast keepers told me the curse couldn't be tamed, and the healers told me it couldn't be healed. Eda told me she found something that made it manageable at least, but... I didn't listen.
I could give you the next volume? 5% off? 10% off?
Leave. [spreads the fire bees from "Wortlop"'s campfire, creating an inferno] And if I ever see you in Bonesborough again, every beast in the forest will be after your head!
[The three gremlins under the "Wortlop" disguise jump out and dig their way underground in terror]
[calms the bees and chuckles] Still got it!
My journey through the Demon Realm is far from over. But today I humbly donate my journal to the ages. Entry one: May 21st... I think. My name is Philip Wittebane, and I found myself in a world so horrid, yet so fantastic, few minds could have dreamt it. If only those at home could see what I have, and perhaps they shall. For the more I learn about this realm, the more I am certain I can harness its strange powers to return home. Today I begin recording my journey to create a portal back to the Human Realm.
Are you angry, sweaty? Is there hair in places? Does your voice crack in a super embarrassing way? I have the answers you seek... [turns on the lights, revealing diagrams, charts and boards all over the tower] You're going through demon puberty!
[facepalms] Ugh! The last thing I want from you is a health class.
This isn't a health class. It's an unholy test, to determine what kind of demon you are! [pulls down a chart of demon traits titled "Who Am I?"]
[hopeful] Really?!
Yup! Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m the only other demon here, so... [chuckles] what other choice do you have?
Eh... all right. What the heck?
Yaaaay! [dons a beret/mortarboard bat] Our ancestors arose from the muck of a decomposing Titan. And there are so many of us! But all demons can be placed in three categories: bug, biped, and beast.
Yeah okay, everyone knows about the three Bs--
[intensely, getting in King's face] DO NOT INTERRUPT! Now, I'm pretty sure you’re not a bug, but we can’t rule anything out. As a type of worm myself... [he wiggles, making King shudder] I'm an expert on this subject. Let's begin!
[Hooty carries King across the room. Cut to King wearing dancing clothes.]
[embarrassed] GUUUH!
Bug types naturally communicate through dance - like so!
[A fairy and a two-faced butterfly do a dance.]
[sniffling and tearing up] Poetic!
[King tries a freestyle dance of his own. Hooty, the fairy and the butterfly look shocked.]
[furious] DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER!!! [starts chasing King]
It's just... I've been wanting to ask you something for a while, but I wanted to do it in the best way, and in the Tunnel of Love I thought, Amity's too cool for this.
[blushes] I'm not as cool as you think.
Okay, everything is so crazy right now, and I have no idea what my future holds but it would be so cool, if you were in it. So... uh- [gets flustered and inhales]
Do you wanna go out with me?
[exhales] Nooo, I was so ready.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you can say it.
Okay. Amity Blight, do you wanna go out with me?
Yes!
Okay! [they hold hands] Why is this still so scary?
I don't know.
[Amity and King approach Hunter, who is digging in the ground]
Don't worry, I won't pick a fight. There's no titan blood.
Then why are you digging?
Oh, it's simple really. Belos needs titan blood to make a new portal key. Can't get to the human realm without it.
[to herself] There's blood in the key?
And since I failed my last mission I thought, hey! A chance to make up for it! But I can't go back empty handed [chuckles hysterically] Not again. Long story short, this is my grave. Want me to make you one too?
This is really bumming me out.
That's just life, rat. Everyone has a use, and if you don't [blows a raspberry] Buh-bye! Your friend gets it.
What's he talking about?
Luz has been sending me these strange human codes. I don't understand all of them but this one seems pretty clear. "Come back with results or we're done."
[King flips the device so Amity can see the messages from a different angle. Her eyes widen]
[reading the messages] "U R RAD." "FOOLS BLOOD BAD." "U OK?" "COME HOME." [chuckles happily] Of course! This is Luz we're talking about here.
[as Flapjack pulls on his cloak] Hey! Go find a better witch to be with. [buries his head in the dirt]
[walks over to kneel beside him] You know, you were right. We do have a lot in common. I grew up thinking that everything was an opportunity to justify existing! But there are people out there who won't make you feel worthless. You just have to let yourself meet them. [holds out her hand to him]
[to a caged, gagged Vee] Hello... This is all so confusing, but... who knew I had such a strong girl living under my roof this whole time? [Vee tears up happily]
[interrupts, wearing armor] So how do I look? Maybe we can collaborate on a version that can survive the battles on Mars? [notices Camila's phone, gasps] Wait, what is that?! Are you recording this?!
[nervously] Uuuuuhhhh...
[frowns for a moment, then grins] Wonderful! [taking a knife from the wall] Well, I was gonna wait until after the press tour, but let's begin our live dissection of this demon right now! [turns on Vee]
STOP! Uh, the... the President just called! Yeah, and, uh... [sees Luz encouraging her from the phone] uh... You know what? I don't have the imagination for this. I will be taking this innocent child with me, and you will never bother us again.
What?! No, absolutely not! We made a verbal agreement--
Mister! [brandishing an upside-down slingshot] You better back the heck down, or I will tell the police you have been illegally setting up traps and cameras on private property! [drops the slingshot]
I won't let you take away my discovery! I'm the good guy here!
[takes out a flip-flop from her handbag] Yeah... a lot of bad guys say that. [strikes him with it]
Whoa, what's going on?
They're probably prepping for the annual Coven Day Parade. Floats, streamers, fireworks--
Ah, it's just a fancy way to kiss the Emperor'ssssss... [Luz covers King's ears and glares at her] whatever! I'm just here to pick something up.
[about Raine] If they're here for the parade, they'll probably be surrounded by scouts. Oh, we'd need someone on the inside to lend us a hand.
Hmm... [she sees Kikimora tripping over a plank of wood and being walked over by scouts, then turns to Eda with a sly smile] Hmm?
[snorts] Yeah, right. As if she'd give us the time of day.
[Cut to Kikimora tearfully talking to Luz about her problems with her mother, while Eda stands by looking exasperated.]
And then... and then she... she said if I don't make it back for the family reunion, I'd be banished from Palm Stings and the family home! But I've failed too many missions, and if I leave my job now, I'll be banished from my LIFE! [breaks down crying]
[patting her] There you go. It's gonna be okay. Maybe there's a way we can help each other out-- WHOA!
[pulling Luz up by the hood] Are you out of your mind?! Kikimora nearly turned me to stone, she attacked you back in Latissa, and she didn't blink when your girlfriend was thrown down a pit! Oh, she is bad! And not the hot kinda bad...
But this could be your way to talk to Raine! Isn't it worth the risk?
[folding her arms] Mmmaybe.... but what're you getting out of this?
[Luz glances at Kikimora pacing and talking to herself.]
On the one hand, I miss my family, on the other, Belos is not a forgiving man, but I'm just a party planner at this point...
[sweating slightly] I'm... just a sucker for romantic reunions?
[frowns for a moment] This is true. Ugh, fine!
Fine? What's fine? What are you cretins planning?
Worry not, Kikimora. We're gonna help you... by kidnapping you and Raine!
WHAT?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Owl House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
