Why is everyone's car so much bigger than ours?
Because they don't believe in themselves.
RRichie
Do we believe in ourselves?
[shrugs] Look at our car.
All S1
Characters
Christine CampbellJulia Louis-Dreyfus · 18 quotes
Matthew KimbleHamish Linklater · 5 quotes
Richard CampbellClark Gregg · 5 quotes
BurtonMatt Letscher · 3 quotes
Ritchie CampbellTrevor Gagnon · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Christine Campbell & Richard Campbell (4), Christine Campbell & Burton (3), Christine Campbell & Matthew Kimble (2)
S1 E1Pilot
How's my little third-grader?
RRichie
I look ridiculous in these clothes.
Yeah... you kinda do.
Richard, don't make this harder for me.
I'm sorry. [to Richie] Cool pants, is that Rayon?
S1 E2Supertramp
[about her dry spell] Sex used to be my thing. God, in-fact senior year in high school I was a bit of a slut. That is what I was known for.
Mind if I use your bathroom?
Oh.
I got to make a pit stop, not a full pit stop just an oil change. I'm going to pee.
S1 E3Open Water
You okay there?
Yeah, it's my new date-night underwear. It just got to fifth base.
Ritchie, we have talked about this. You're eight years old. We live in Los Angeles. You have to learn how to swim.
Why?
Because, honey, you can't keep going to pool parties telling people you're having your period.
S1 E4One Toe Over the Line, Sweet Jesus
What's intercourse?
Something to do with golf. You should ask your mom.
Does mom golf?
She's been known to hit the links.
S1 E5I'll Show You Mine
Oh, come on, it hasn't been that bad, has it? I mean, didn't doing it in your car last week make you feel like a teenager?
Yeah, until I got home and I had to ice... everything.
No kidding, I got a bruise from knee to nipple.
It shouldn't be this difficult. I mean I said 'I love you' on our first date, and you said it back to me.
We had just seen Ghost. I would have told the movie-usher I loved him.
It's good to know our marriage was based on such a rock solid foundation.
It worked out pretty good... except for the divorce.
S1 E6The Other F Word
What's going on?
Nate just said the "F" word.
So? You say that word all the time; you said it three times in the car on the way over here.
No, the other "F" word--the gay one.
FFrank
What are the families like?
Great families--very involved.
FFrank
But would you describe them as having good values?
"Good values?" Oh, definitely, great values, I mean just like us.
FFrank
Good, cause our last school had way too many fags.
S1 E8Teach Your Children Well
LLiz
Do you like being a nanny?
I do, although I prefer the word manny.
It's not a lesson party, it's a party... with a lesson.
S1 E10No Fault Divorce
Are you saying that the divorce was my fault?
HHillary
It wouldn't be ethical of me to tell you that.
Was it anyone's fault?
HHillary
Yes.
Was it Richard's fault?
HHillary
No.
S1 E11Exile on Lame Street
[Christine is trying desperately to get into a sold out Rolling Stones concert]
Sir, uh, I'm sorry, let me just explain to you my situation. Okay, my nine-year-old is in there with his father and his new girlfriend, and there's a very strong possibility that he's gonna let him go to the bathroom on his own.
TWTicket Window Clerk
I'm so sorry. I didn't, I didn't know. We keep two emergency tickets available for situations like this. Is the fourth row okay?
That would be great.
TWTicket Window Clerk
OK, uh let me just get those for you. [looking questioningly around the booth] Where do we keep them? Duh, they're right here! [he reaches up and slams the window blind shut in her face]
He's not getting the tickets?
Uh, no, sweetie, he's not.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The New Adventures of Old Christine pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.