“Waldorf & Statler” quotes from The Muppet Show

- I don't believe you!

- I think that number raises a pertinent question.

- What's that?

- Why did they do it?

- I think honesty's always the best policy.

- You believe that?

- No, I was lying.

- Well, that was different.

- I should say so. So many of these songs are long and boring.

- Yes, they finally managed one short and boring!

- Does that mean they're getting better or worse?

- You know something? That was a sweet number.

- It sure was.

- You know something else?

- What?

- I hate sweet numbers!

- That number goes back a long way.

- Well, it didn't go back far enough – I could still see it!

- I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't watched it!

- Believe what?

- I don't know. I wasn't watching!

- What kind of show would you call that?

- Frankly, I'd call it "Quits".

- (in unison) Quits! Quits!

(talking to characters from Sesame Street)

- How should we know how to get to Sesame Street?

- We don't even know how to get out of this stupid theater box!

- Do you think this show is educational?

- Yes. It'll drive people to read books.

- Pay up. They made it through another one.

- Double or nothing for next week's show?

- You're on.

- (Statler is scratching his body)

- I wonder why I'm so itchy.

- Maybe the show's starting to get under your skin!

- You know, they can improve the whole show if they just changed the ending.

- How?

- With the ending closer to the beginning!

- I thought for once the show really caught fire.

- I thought it burned itself out, same as always!

- Finally, we've seen them do a good show.

- Good. Can we please stop coming now?

- I can't believe those rats were responsible for this show.