Hello, nutjob. Party of one.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Get a hold of yourself man. What's easier to believe: a gorilla holding a gun or a big hairy guy doing a drive by?
I don't get it, why the mob?
GDr. Gibbs
Money! Fast, tax-free cash money. This is a federally funded lab. Every year the government is less and less interested in making smarter apes and every year they slash my budget. Without money, I will never fulfill my dream.
What dream?
GDr. Gibbs
To build an army of genetically engineered super-apes...
GMDr. Gibbs/The Middleman
(together) ... and take over the world.
What makes more sense? That a monster trashed a science lab or that a gas main exploded? If I hadn't planted your Zippo some pink skin normal would have still come up with a rational explanation. People want to believe reality's normal. The ones who don't are freaks and no one believes them anyway.
Special Agent Watson, slacking off the dress code, I see.
Oh, I don't do dress code after sundown.
It's bad apples like you that put Mr. Hoover in a dress.
Thank you for calling A.N.D. Laboratories, re-scrambling your DNA, how may I direct your call?
You know how in comic books there's all kinds of mad scientists and aliens and androids and monsters, and all of them either want to destroy or take over the world?
In comic books, sure.
Well it really does work like that.
Get out.
You already forgot what you saw?
And you're the superhero?
I never wear tights.
I'm crushed.
...and [rule] three, you don't date my roommate. Got it?
That's just mean. I'm single. I'm eligible!
Just drive.
Are you ashamed of me?
Uh, the Boy Scouts called. They want their family counseling merit badge back.
(about Wendy's worries for Lacey) I can see this development is upsetting, but I must remind you to...
(interrupting) ... Delay any emotional reaction until we've safely delivered the Earth from peril. I got it without the lecture
Caffeine is a drug, Dubbie.
I'm holding a molecular stun cannon.
Uh, Sensei Ping. Like an unborn lotus festering in the mud waiting to blossom, I come to you with humble greetings to beseech your guidance, most awesome...
SPSensei Ping
(laughs) Did The Middleman tell you to recite the most hallowed verse of greetings to Sensei Ping?
Uh, yes.
SPSensei Ping
He is such a comedian. You know, most of us masters of the martial arts are actually very laid back.
Really?
SPSensei Ping
No! (slaps her)
Uh, why is my car being surrounded by a bunch of lucha libre wrestlers?
SPSensei Ping
That is a very long story for another day, my impudent young weasel.
Well la-di-da, Dubbie. You must be mistaking the Clan of the Pointed Stick for one of the rational societies of paranoid celibate martial artists.
Shouldn't it be "Middleperson" or "Middlewoman"?
We did have a Middleboy once.
What does that make me, the "Middlegirl"?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Middleman pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.