Pauline Campbell-Jones quotes from The League of Gentlemen

Hokey-cokey, pig in a pokey! [Clears throat] Hello, gents...oh, it's half-past nine. Time for men, men with jobs, to go to work! Other men stay in bed 'til dinner time, watching Tots TV, thinking about how worthless and pathetic they are... Good morning Jobseekers!

You can shout out as many jobs as you like, Ross; you're never gonna bloody get one, you worthless dole scum!

[regarding Mickey] You see, Ross? This poor bastard can't even spell job, but at least he tries!

You see, Ross?! You see how easy it is?! It's as simple as Mickey!

[brightly, recovering herself] Good! Thank you very much. I feel that Ross handled that situation very well…can I have my things back? Yeah, although it did make me wonder how well he’d handle a situation more like this…! [Pauline whacks Ross in the jaw with a clipboard] Eh? Ooh, a bully am I!? Foul fucking mouthed?! Now, you’ll eat those words…Egregious! Egregious! Egregious! Is this what it means…!? Is this egregious enough for you?!

Always put something of yourself in every job you do! [spits in Ross's vegeburger]

You work-shy set of bastards, what's the point of you?! Sit up straight, you bone-idle lazy cunt!-[Ross turns the recorder off]

What was that?!

That was your workshop on self-esteem for the unemployed.

Just who do you think you're talking to?!

Well according to my report, a psychotic fifty year old lesbian!

[outraged] How dare you! I'm forty eight!

The blue felt-tip ran out on that one, that's why a bit of the sea is green.

Oh that's OK, you can have a green sea.

Especially if you wee in it like I do.

I'm in love.

What with a man who's "thick, stinks and lives in a shithole!"