The Boondocks quotes

Riley

(after being thrown in closet) I'm closet-phobic!

You ready to come out?

Riley

Say hello to the bad guy! Hee-hee! Heh heh heh heh!

Damn it Riley! You ruined our family! You drove granddad away, now he's never coming back!

Riley

Granddad left 'cause of you! Nobody likes you Huey, 'cause you're a gay-ass, hater, fagey boy! Heh heh heh! Heh!

Riley

Okay! I'm reloaded! Hee-hee! Heh heh heh heh! How you like that, fool?

Why does it always have to end up like this?

Riley

Cuz youse a bitch.

Don't do it.

Riley

Can't you just be happy to see another nigga fitted up--lookin' dipped and buttered and shinin' and glistenin'?

Were gonna run out of food in a few days, Riley.

Riley

You suppose to be in charge. You suppose to be the leader. Lead us to some breakfast then, nigga.

You both say the word "nigga" all the time.

I do not!

Riley thought it was his name until he was three.

(repeated line) I mean... [scoffs]

So Riley said the n-word before you did that morning?

He says it every morning! He calls me "nigga", he calls the other kids "nigga", he calls himself nigga. All the time. "Nigga this, nigga that." "Nigga, please." "Bitch nigga." "Nigga, have you lost your mind?" "Nigga, check that ho." "Nigga, you bullshittin'." "Break yourself, nigga!" He says it so much, I don't even notice it anymore. Last week in lunch, Riley says to a classmate, "Can a nigga borrow a french fry?" and my first thought wasn't "Oh my god, he said the word; the n-word." It was "Now how is a nigga gonna borrow a fry? Nigga, is you gonna give it back?"

The problem with restraining speech is, who gets to set the rules? If it's only okay in a certain time or place, who gets to say what time and what place? Bill Cosby?

B'yes! As a matter of fact I get to set the rules about what is appropriate to say and what is not appropriate to say! Forrrrr example: The other day a youth walked up to ME and asked "what it do?" He sounded like he was auditioning for a slave epic! Proper way to say that sentence is "What DOES it do?" I personally blame the MOTHER...

I don't think black people should ever use racist words when describing other black people. And if you DO, then you're a Sambo, and a Coon. B'HAH HAH HAH HAH.

Uncle Ruckus

(about Huey's story): What website is that?

Hey Master, Deanda send a message for you.

I don't know of anyone named Deanda. Deanda who?

De End'a my DICK, Nigga!

Tobias

You guys are real fucking' assholes, you know that?!?!

C'mon, man, look on the bright side. You get to hang out here in the fields. With the real niggas. Ain't you sick of the white man?

Tobias

You know what I'm sick of? You two blaming the white man for everything. The white man this. The white man that. You'll never get anywhere with that attitude.

Man, fuck that white nigga. That's your master. I don't know that nigga.

Tobias

All I'm sayin' is, you stop bein' a victim, you might be able to better your life on your own.

You ain't said nothin'. Ima do that. You better believe it. As soon as Catcher Freeman rides through here with his brigade and cuts that cracker's head clean off, unh, I'm outta here. You ain't never see no nigga be gone like Ima be gone. Tell you somethin'. You ain't seen no nigga ride out like me AND Ima join the gang. I got a letter sayin' I could join Catcher Freeman's brigade and ride out with that nigga.

Damn, you get mail, nigga?

Tobias

That's your plan?! Catcher Freeman, huh? Why don't I just wait for Santa Claus to take you away on his sled?

Nigga, you don't believe in Catcher Freeman?!

Tobias

(mimicks Slave 1) Of course I don't. I don't believe in the Easter Bunny either.

I'm tellin' you, man. Catcher Freeman is real. He go round from plantation to plantation freein' all the slaves and shit. He like 14 feet tall. Got trapezeous muscles and biceps. It's crazy. He ain't just no normal nigga, he Supernigga. He like a black-ass Batman if you will. And he can fly. Underwater.

Wait, how'd they know who Batman is?

STOP INTERRUPTING!

Tobias

Ha! That's ridiculous! I don't even know who Batman is!

And what's your plan, house nigga? I bet you don't even wanna escape, all on Master's nuts.

Tobias

Oh I'm gonna escape all right. I'm gonna escape with this (points to his noggin), ok? With my mind. I've got this (pulls out a manuscript). It's a play but for the screen.

What screen, nigga? We in the 1800s.

Tobias

I've thought of a new way to display moving pictures on a screen. Of course, it's all abstract since I don't have any actual film or cameras or anything. But I'm gonna show Master Colonel my screenplay and when he reads it, he's gonna know this could be a huge projection.

Nigga, you tryin' to get off the plantation by sellin' a script? (They both start laughing) Nigga, you ain't even supposed to know how to read! How you gonna sell a script, asshole? Plus there's a writer's strike, nigga!

Take our black asses outta here/ won't you take our black asses outta here/ won't you come save us, Catcher/ and kill all these crackers/ Lord take our black asses outta here

Sing this muthafucker now!!!

Take our black asses outta here

Massa Colonel youse a bitch nigga

Won't you take our black asses outta here

Gonna burn yo...

Thank you, Tobias. I want you to know, you've always been like a son to me, except I would never ever lay with your black jungle bunny momma.

Tobias

Oh, master!

KILLS DEM BOTH!

Tobias

NO! You lyin' black bitch! That's wasn't a week! Oh!