Richie Jerimovich quotes from The Bear

Richie Jerimovich

Natalie, I'm not like this 'cause I'm into Van Halen. I am into Van Halen because I'm like this.

Richie

You like to shit on my system, but I run a tight ship, and I get back to my cohorts and my associates in a timely fashion.

Carmy

Alright, do me a favor. Just name a cohort. Name an associate. Just one fuckin' person. I dare you.

Richie Jerimovich

It wasn't my phone!

Uncle Jimmy

You call an electrician or a plumber, that's it!

Richie Jerimovich

I've been saying this shit for fucking years! It wasn't my fucking phone!

Uncle Jimmy

[mocking Richie] Oh, Cicero! I'm your guy! I got a kid now, Cicero! I need a fucking real job!

Richie Jerimovich

You think I don't know how to pick up a goddamn phone?

Uncle Jimmy

[still mocking Richie] Oh, Cicero, can I have tickets to The Lion King?

Richie Jerimovich

Pick up a goddamn phone, and we don't even know... how she fell down those stairs.

Carmy Berzatto

You want us to get this stuff out back or how do you, uh...

Uncle Jimmy

Yeah, take it around the side for me, will you?

Carmy Berzatto

Around the side, sure.

Uncle Jimmy

Yeah, thanks, Rick.

Richie Jerimovich

I fucking hate it when you call me Rick...

Uncle Jimmy

I fucking hate it when you don't answer your phone!

Neil Fak

And this one time, when I was a kid, I thought I saw a dragon.

Richie Jerimovich

Just pay attention! Don't strip the thread.

Neil Fak

I'm not stripping the thread. Stop trying to fuck me!

Richie Jerimovich

I'm not trying to fuck you, bro.

Neil Fak

Dude, it's a human resources offense, dude.

Richie Jerimovich

Oh yeah? Guess what. You're looking at Human Resources.

Neil Fak

Really?

Carmy Berzatto

Is there a name for that thing where you're afraid of something good happening 'cause you think something bad's gonna happen?

Richie Jerimovich

I don't know. Life?

Carmy Berzatto

Ebra, make sandwiches! Don't stop making fucking sandwiches.

Yes, chef.

Carmy Berzatto

I'm going to make three sections, OK? They're going to be Wet, Hot, and Sweet, alright? I'm going to take green tape, make those sections. Louie, I want you to get the sandwiches put into the corresponding sections.

OK, yeah.

Carmy Berzatto

Yo, bag, Sharpie, label that shit.

Yes, chef.

Sydney Adamu

Tina, fire every single chicken we have, please. OK? Richie, do you even know how to do fries?

Richie Jerimovich

Yes. And I know we need them now.

Sydney Adamu

OK. Marcus, where are we on cakes?

Marcus Brooks

Uh, getting there.

Sydney Adamu

Getting there? What the fuck do you - Marcus, what the fuck are you doing still working on this shit?

Marcus Brooks

Yo, come on. What are you tripping for? The cakes are in the oven.

Sydney Adamu

What the fuck am I tripping for? Are you here right now?

Marcus Brooks

It doesn't make a difference. There's four cakes. And still - Yeah, I was going to cut them.

Sydney Adamu

They're not even cut yet?

Marcus Brooks

Yeah, it's not that big of a deal.

Carmy Berzatto

What's this? Chef!

Sydney Adamu

Um, I am - I'm doing them in five, basically. I'm going to order them in fives, so -

Carmy Berzatto

No, stop. Everything. Fire everything right fucking now.

Sydney Adamu

OK, I'll fire everything now. I just was finishing talking to Marcus and -

Carmy Berzatto

Step out. Step out. Step out - GET THE FUCK OFF MY EXPO, CHEF, NOW! GET THE FUCK OFF! Thank you! We're firing 76 beefs, 34 chickens, OK? 12 French fries, 12 mash, fucking now!

Sydney Adamu

Behind.

Richie Jerimovich

Corner - [Sydney runs into Richie and drops one of the freshly made cakes.]

Sydney Adamu

Oh, shit.

Richie Jerimovich

You didn't say corner. You didn't say corner.

Sydney Adamu

Fuck you, Richie. Fuck you.

Richie Jerimovich

You don't need to curse at me like a maniac.

Sydney Adamu

Fuck y - I'm not a fucking maniac, man.

Richie Jerimovich

It's your bullshit that fucked us today, not mine. It's your bullshit.

Sydney Adamu

Fuck you, Richie. Fuck you.

I threw the fork, Lee. See what I did, I threw the fork!

Richie Jerimovich

Cousin, you're scaring the normals.

This is fine, this is nothing. This is... it's nothing.

Hey Mikey, can you hear me right now?

Not right now, Stevie.

Richie Jerimovich

Cut it out.

Rich.

Here look, here's the thing: you see, I can throw forks, 'cause this is our father's house. My father's house.

We have liftoff.

Okay, you got everyone's attention, so go ahead, tell us a story we've all heard a million times already.

That's good, Lee.

Yeah, tell a story about how you're living with your mom, and you're borrowing money off of her and any other sucker who'll listen to your bullshit.

Uncle Jimmy

Lee shut the fuck up.

You're one of the suckers, Jimmy! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I told him! I told him not to listen to you, I told him not to help. I told him to tell you to go scratch!

Uncle Jimmy

Thanks a whole fucking lot, buddy. You come back next year, okay? Motherfuck.

Shh, shh. Unc, it's fine.

Yeah, it's fine. It's just totally fine. It's fine. It's fine, because this guy's nothing, and he's nobody, and I know you're scared and you're afraid, aren't you, Michael? And Michael, I don't know what the fuck you're on, but whatever it is, if you can hear me through the fog, throw another fork at me, you're gonna get fuckin' rocked!

Richie Jerimovich

[quoting from The Blues Brothers.] A hundred six miles to Chicago.

Carmy Berzatto

Full tank of gas.

Richie Jerimovich

Half a pack of cigarettes.

Carmy Berzatto

It's dark. We're wearing sunglasses.

Richie Jerimovich

Hit it.

Carmy Berzatto

No, I hate this.

Neil Fak

For a surprise?

Carmy Berzatto

No, fuck surprises. Fuck surprises.

Neil Fak

Why? I love surprises! You'd love a surprise.

Richie Jerimovich

Yes! Fucking surprise!

Carmy Berzatto

Richie! No surprise. No fucking surprise!

Richie Jerimovich

Stay the fuck out of the dream weave, Carmen! Let's go.

Neil Fak

Yes.

Richie Jerimovich

One two three... Feliz cumpleanos (Happy birthday)...