Everyone else can die, but you cannot - WHY?
S1 E15Unfinished Business
She was so beautiful. She had eyes.........which was good, because the last girl I liked just had skin from the eyebrows down.
You stole my imaginary girlfriend!
Come on, Col, you’re making a mountain out of a... very big hill.
[Frank has mistaken a movie for their life.]
I was sure that was you. [pause] Did we ever free a whale?
[The pair are going on holiday, and are packing, Colin produces an oar from the cupboard.]
Ba-da!!
Why are you taking an oar?
In case we hire a canoe.
Yeah, but the canoes come with oars.
I want to use my oar.
But why?
My great great great grandfather gave this to me. It's one of my most prized possessions.
Yeah?
Yeah, he gave it to me just a few years back.
But how could your great great great grandfather have given it to you? He must have died about a hundred years ago!
He just... ohh, sorry. He's not my grandfather's father's father's father, he's just my normal grandfather. But he's a really great, great, great grandfather. He's really great! I love him!
Remind the neighbours to feed the cat... yep.
Col, we haven’t got a cat.
But their cat’s looking really skinny.
Frank, what’s wrong?
[Lying to Col about why he’s upset.] Grandad’s dead.
[Sits down.] Frank, didn’t your grandad die five years ago?
[Frank nods, then looks confused.]
I think it’s time you got over it.
[Frank turns to look at Col.]
Remember? We were sitting at home, and you had to go down to the shops, and I got the phone call saying that he died, and when you got back from the shops I told... [realizes what he said] Ooooh. [cheerfully] Your grandad’s dead, Frank!
You’re so dumb, aren’t you? You’re such an idiot. You’re so stupendous!
Col, I don’t think you know what that word means.
I know exactly what it means. And you’re just jealous ‘cause you know I’m so much better. You know I’m superfluous!
You’ve been making an excuse everyday for the last fortnight.
I have not. That’s not true, it’s only been two weeks.
VSVideo Store Guy
What about Silence of the Lambs?
Nah, I'm not really into nature films.
Excuse me, have you got that film? You know, that, um, that film with that guy. You know, that, um, that actor guy. You know, that actor who who’s in all those films. Have you got it? You know, you know the one I mean, oh what’s his name? Um, he’s been in heaps of films, you’d know him, you’d know him for sure. Um. You know, that... actor guy!
[Looking at a video] Oh, what about Herbie Goes Bananas? Like, who’s Herbie? Is he some, like, psychopath of something?
Oh, um, hey. Hey! Oh, uh, this’ll help. This’ll help. I just thought, he was in that other film. The one where he, um, where he plays a cop. You know! You know the film I mean, where that actor guy plays a cop.
[To the video shop guy.] Want me to put it back for you?
VGVideo guy
No, it’s okay. I’ll do it. It’s my job.
Oh, and he was after that bad guy. You know! Ah, the... And he’s... the um... the actor guy! What is his name? See, the thing is... the thing is... the thing is, that when I say it, you’ll go ‘ah! Yes. Him. I love him. Adore him, the actor guy, yes. I just, mmm. Yes!’ But I can’t think of his... oh, it’s on the tip of my tongue! [Sticks his tongue out and looks at it.] You’d know it. See, the thing is... the thing is that you would know him, he’s got the hair, and the eyes, bit of a nose, and the mouth there, and he... it’s all held together with a... like a face!
VGVideo guy
Shut up!
I’m warning you! I know jujitsu! And tae kwon do. And various other oriental... words.
Col. I love you, Col.
Frank. [pause] Love is a very strong word, for me. [He goes to leave, then stops.] Frank. I... tolerate you. [He goes to leave again, then turns around and they hug tightly.]
[Col and Frank are watching Mr Mannox being swarmed by wasps in his car. A person in a mask comes up and starts growling and jumping around them. He eventually stops and pulls off the mask.]
VGVideo guy
Sorry, have I come at a bad time?
FCFrank & Colin
[They look at him, then each other, and then at Mr Mannox.] He loved that factory.
Didn’t he, Frank?
He certainly did, Greg. Greg? Greg, Greg, Gregory Peck! The actor guy! Gregory Peck! [He looks frantically between Col and the video shop guy, the solemnly back at Mr Mannox.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Adventures of Lano and Woodley pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.