Sgt. T.J. Hooker quotes from T. J. Hooker

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Where are your guts, Karen? [raises voice] I know your leg is gone, but did they cut out your guts, too?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

You Catholic, Romano?

Vince Romano

Yes, sir.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Y'know what I missed at the Mass that they had for the kid? Latin. I'd like to hear Latin again instead of everything in English.

Vince Romano

[Wistfully] Yeah.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

What about doctors who make house calls? Repairmen who know how to fix things? And ballplayers who hustle? And boxers who get carried out of the ring, instead of quitting because of stomach cramps? And what about the death penalty for scum who take a human life and snuff it out like it's so much garbage? I've seen the past, gentlemen, and it works.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

He'll get a cop's funeral because he made a mistake. A dumb, stupid mistake!

Yeah, well, some of us aren't as smart as you, Sarge!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

That's right, English! Not all of you are! If you were I wouldn't have to work my tail off to drum elementary procedure into your thick skulls! I wouldn't have to spell it out by the numbers that that badge is a target. And I wouldn't have to feel that a potentially good cop is lying there on a slab because I didn't teach him well enough.

Vince Romano

Look, I busted my back in pre-training. I thought I did better than any rooky in every class, every test, every drill! So why didn't I get a partner?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Romano, you got a partner! You lucked out: you got me!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Most perpetrators are right-handed, and are not trained. Therefore when they fire at you, their gun will jump slightly to your right... and their bullets tend to pass over your right shoulder. So... before you get into your combat crouch, take a half-step to your left...

Sir!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Granger?

What happens when you run into a left-handed shooter who's been trained?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

In that case, Granger, if you don't take a half-step to your right... you'll get a cop's funeral with full honors.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

[Looking at the police sketch] Yep, no question, that's the man I chased.

And lost.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Excuse me. I was off duty at the time. Couldn't find a telephone booth to change in.

Y'know, I never did ask you why you wanted to be a cop.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

It's just something I do. I don't try and analyze it.

Maybe you should.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Hey, lady, I'm a garbage collector. I collect it and I dump it. I file my report and I never look back.

I apologize if we got into your way today, that was my fault. I just have an instinct for fishing.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

When you try it again with me, you'll be looking for a new creek.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

I was never what you'd call political, but when I was a rookie like you the vets used to call me the "flaming liberal." Now I'm not sure what I am.

Vince Romano

Conservative?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Close enough. You know the definition of a conservative? A liberal who got mugged. [laughter]

Something on your mind?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

The insanity on the streets. [sighs] The mindless violence. And the way it's going, I sometimes wonder if we're even holding the line. And this thing with the kids and the drugs, it's an epidemic.

[after being rescued] I was only trying to help.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

You're just like your mother. Never listens. [hugs Cathy]

Vince Romano

[Hooker walks towards the car with a cup of coffee] You know what that poison is doing to your system? It's gonna kill you.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Romano, Grandpa Hooker downed a gallon of coffee a day and made it to 94.

Vince Romano

[Pouring a concoction into a cup] Try this. All I'm asking is try it. It's delicious! Just a little raw eggs, Romanian yogurt, crushed papaya, lecithin, mango juice. Secret of my success... and my virility.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Romano, when Grandpa did go, at 94, twelve women wept at his grave, not including Grandma.

Vince Romano

Did I tell you detective is where it's at? We could've been burned to a crisp with those clowns.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

You haven't even worn out your first pair of blue socks yet. Would you stop with the Dick Tracy dialogue already?

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

Now let's talk about something else that's important, Gino. I mean your scungilli and your calamari and you're zuppa di pesche.

Vince Romano

[lights up] Hey hey, now you are talking, Hooker!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

I want an order of each and anything else that you think might make a really special lunch for two.

Vince Romano

All right!

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

And eh, you better order what you're having for lunch, Romano, because you're not the one I'm eating with.

Vince Romano

Another car trashed. We're really going to be in trouble with Sheridan on this one.

Sgt. T.J. Hooker

What's this 'we' business? You were driving, I wasn't driving, you were driving.

Vince Romano

It's always 'we' when you're the driver.