Sam, Dean, my "people skills" are "rusty." Pardon me, but I have spent the last "year" as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Holy fire. You hairless ape! Release me!
First you're taking your marker off of Aaron Birch's soul.
Am I?
Sam!
Unless you like your wings extra crispy, I'd think about it.
Castiel, I stood for you in Heaven. Are you gonna let these two-
I believe the hairless ape has the floor.
That swan dive of Sam's was a thing of beauty. Tens all the way around. Standing "o" from the Romanian judge. You should be proud, Bobby. As deaths go, it wasn't too shabby.
Why'd you send him outside?
SMSheriff Mills
Because I didn't think you'd want him in here.
I don't. I've got a body in the basement.
SMSheriff Mills
My point.
Yeah, but I've got another body buried in the yard.
So you just happened to have a bamboo dagger blessed by a Shinto priest laying around.
Wood chipper.
Oh... okie dokie, wood chipper. That-that pretty much trumps...everything.
Sam, Dean, I love you like my own. I do. But sometimes... sometimes you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met. I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you. Everything! You need some lore scrounged up, you need your asses pulled out of the fire, you need someone to bitch to about each other. You call me, and I come through. Every damn time! And what do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat!
Bobby...
Do I sound like I'm done? Now look, I know you got issues. God knows, I know. But I got a news flash for you. You ain't the center of the universe! Now it may have slipped your minds that Crowley owns my soul, and the meter is running. And I will be damned if I'm going to sit around and... and be damned! So how about you two sack up and help me for once?
I thought when I got the corner office, it was all going to be rainbows and two-headed puppies. But if I'm being honest, it's been hell.
I thought that was the point.
You know what the problem with demons is?
They're demons?
Exactly. Evil, lying prats, the whole lot of them. They're stupid. You try to show them a new way, a better way, and what do you get? Bugger all! You know, there's days that I think Lucifer's whole "spike anything with black eyes" plan wasn't half bad. Hpph. Feels good to get it off my chest. We should make this a thing.
Do I look like Dr. Phil to you?
A little.
These aren't vampires, man. These... these are douchebags.
He's watching her sleep, how is that not rapey?
"He could hear the blood rushing inside her. Almost taste it. He tried desperately to control himself. Romero knew their love was impossible." Romero? Really?
Dean, shut up.
This is a national best-seller. How is that possible?
Where are you going?
Bathroom, okay? Newsflash, Mr. Wizard: vampires pee!
BBoris
These are the best days in the last six hundred years to be a vampire. Dracula, Anne Rice, please. These stupid little brats are so horny, they've reinvented us as Prince Charming with a Volvo. They want a promise ring with fangs, so I give it to them.
You gotta figure out what the hell he [Sam] is and fast.
I'm trying. But, Dean, there's a worst case scenario.
What, Satan's my co-pilot? Yeah, I know.
Well, that'd be the other worst case.
Well, then what?
Maybe it's just Sam.
A dentist drilled a guy to death.
You mean the non-sexy kind of drilling, right?
WIWoman in Bar
I'm sitting like this so you'll look at my breasts. I just bought them. I need a lot of attention.
Good luck with that.
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