David Wain quotes from Stella

David Wain

Stupid question but, what is a book?

David Wain

Let's go to an amusement park...in our minds...

David, do you know my husband, Edward Norton?

David

Not personally, but I'm a fan!

So the unit has 3,000 sq. feet, three beds, three baths, and a nursery.

David

Oh, well, we wouldn't be needing a nursery.

Michael Ian Black

Actually Michael might, because he's kind of a cry baby.

Michael

I am not a cry baby!

Michael Ian Black

Then why are you about to cry?

Michael

Michael, can we please discuss this out on the terrace?

David Wain

How's the soup, Mike?

Michael Ian Black

It's good.

David Wain

Yeah, you won't be saying that after I kill you.

Michael Ian Black

America is the greatest country in the world. Think of all the great things that have come from America...

Michael Showalter

Rugby.

David Wain

Chicken tikka masala.

Michael Ian Black

Chinese people.

Michael Showalter

ASS!

David Wain

[in a British accent] Harry Potter.

Michael Ian Black

Rubber balls and liquor.

Michael Showalter

Then I say something.

Michael Ian Black

How did you get past security without a boarding pass?

David Wain

I know, it's weird.

David Wain

You remind me of fast food.

[giggling] Oh, why's that?

David Wain

Cause I wanna take you out.

[flattered, giggling] Oh, haha.

David Wain

..And then I wanna eat you in my car.

Michael Showalter

Why are you pointing the gun at me, David? I'm trying to help you!

David

I know, it's weird..

David

Sho's a real turkey, right here.

Michael Showalter

I am not a turkey, David.

David

I'm just-

Michael Showalter

I AM NOT A TURKEY!

David

Michael, it was just a joke.

Michael Showalter

[crying] It didn't seem very funny..

Michael Ian Black

What are we going to do?

David

Call Marcus!

Michael Ian Black

Yeah, call Marcus.

Michael Showalter

Who's Marcus?

Michael Ian Black

I don't know.

David

I know I can hunt but can Mike hunt? And Mike hunt?

Of course.

David

No, no, no. But you say it.

Mike hunt. What are you guys laughing at? All I said was "Mike hunt." Now what's so funny about Mike hunt?

Michael Showalter

I'm cold.

Michael Ian Black

I'm hungry.

David

I'm David. [Makes fart sound]

David

We can just make another copy.

Michael Ian Black

Oh, no you don't. You start doing that, the next thing you know you got Chinese bootleggers selling these things on the streets of Chow Ming for a nickel and a corn dog.

Michael Showalter

That's what I was about to say.

David

What's the first thing you see when you open a book?

Michael Showalter

The inscription.

David

Yes! How about "To Marcus"?

Michael Ian Black

Yeah, yeah. "To Marcus."

Michael Showalter

Who's Marcus? Guys, who the hell is Marcus?

Michael Ian Black

I know, I don't know.