Data quotes from Star Trek: The Next Generation

William Riker

Sometimes I wonder if he's stacking the deck.

Data

I assure you, commander, the cards have been sufficiently randomized.

Worf

[surly] I hope so.

Guinan

No, it's a Samalian coral fish with its fin unfolded.

Data

I believe what you are seeing is the effect of the fluid dynamic processes inherent in the large scale motion of rarefied gas.

Guinan

No, no. First it was a fish and now it's a Mentonian sailing ship.

Data

Where?

Guinan

Right there. Don't you see the two swirls coming together to form the mast?

Data

I do not see it. It is interesting that people try to find meaningful patterns in things that are essentially random. I have noticed that the images they perceive sometimes suggest what they are thinking about at that particular moment. Besides, it is clearly a bunny rabbit.

Jean-Luc Picard

[referring to disembodied head] Data, is this yours?

Data

I believe so, sir.

Jean-Luc Picard

Could it be... Lore?

Data

No, sir. My brother's positronic brain has a Type-L phase discriminating amplifier. Mine is a Type-R.

Counselor Deanna Troi

Have you ever heard Data define friendship?

No.

Troi

How did he put it? "As I experience certain sensory input patterns, my mental pathways become accustomed to them. The inputs eventually are anticipated and even missed when absent."

Riker

It's just that our mental pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns.

Data

Hmm, I understand. I am also fond of you, Commander. And you as well, Counselor.

Scotty

You're not quite uh... human, are ya?

Data

No, sir; I am an android. Lieutenant Commander Data.

Scotty

Synthetic scotch, synthetic commanders...

Data

I believe Guinan does keep a limited supply of non-synthaholic products. Perhaps one of them would be to your liking.

Scotty

[inspecting his drink] What is it?

Data

It is... [sniffs the bottle] It is... [sniffs the bottle again, looking puzzled] ...It is green.

Edward Jellico

Data, I want to be in Minos Korva... in one hour.

Data

Set course 350 mark 215 and engage warp 8.5.

Data

You are attempting to bribe me.

Nu'Daq

N-Not at all.

Data

You suggested a plan that would work to your advantage. One that I would be capable of executing. You then implied a reward. Clearly you were...

Nu'Daq

Commander..., never mind.

But then, I said, in that frame of reference, the perihelion of Mercury would have processed in the opposite direction.

[laughs] That is a great story!

Data

Quite amusing, Dr. Hawking. [turns to Newton] You see, Sir Isaac, the joke depends on an understanding of the relativistic curvature of spacetime. If two non-inertial reference frames are in relative motion--

Do not patronize me, sir. I invented physics. The day that apple fell on my head was the most momentous day in the history of science.

Not the apple story again.

Data

That story is generally considered to be apocryphal.

What?! How dare you!

Uh, perhaps we should return to the game, hmm? Now let's see, where were we? Yes, you [points at Hawking] raised Mr. Data four, which means that, um, the bet is...seven, to me?

The bet is ten. Can't you do simple arithmetic? [sighs] I don't even know why I'm here in the first place. What is the point of playing this ridiculous game?

Data

When I play poker with my shipmates, it often appears to be a useful forum for exploring the different facets of humanity. I was curious to see how three of history's greatest minds would interact in this setting. So far, it has proved to be most...illuminating.

And profitable. Heh heh heh...

Can we get this over with, please? [to Hawking] It's your bet.

I raise fifty.

Blast. I fold.

Data

I fold as well.

The Uncertainty Principle will not help you now, Stephen, hmm? All the quantum fluctuations in the universe will not change the cards in your hand. I call. You are bluffing. And you will lose.

Wrong again, Albert.

Well. Hmm...

Data

We will have to continue this another time. End program.

Data

Lore.

[chuckles nervously] You should be careful with that, brother. Someone could get hurt.

Data

What are you doing?

I've got a way out of here. I'm willing to forget what happened back there. Take you with me. We don't need anyone else. We're brothers. [Data does not respond] I'll give you the chip our father made. It contains much more than just emotions. It has memories. Memories... our father wanted you to have.

Data

Lore, I must deactivate you now.

Without me, you will never feel emotion again.

Data

I know. But you leave me no other choice.

[shutting down] I... love you... brother...

Data

Goodbye, Lore.

Data

May I ask a personal favor?

Worf

Yes?

Data

Will you take care of Spot for me?

Worf

Your animal?

Data

I am concerned that if I have another waking dream, I may injure him.

Worf

Of course. Spot, come here.

Data

Unlike a canine, Spot will not respond to verbal commands.

Data

Goodbye, Spot. He will need to be fed once a day. He prefers feline supplement one-twenty-five.

Worf

I understand.

Data

And he will require water. And you must also provide him with a sand box. And you must talk to him. Tell him he is a pretty cat, and a good cat, and—

Worf

I will feed him.

Data

Perhaps that will be enough.

Picard

What type of cake is that?

Data

It is a cellular peptide cake.

Worf

[With mouth full] With mint frosting.

Data

I suppose I must accept that possibility. It may be that Spot lacks the intelligence necessary to learn the appropriate responses to my commands.

Data

Mmm?

Data

Ah.

Geordi La Forge

I don't know about Spot, but it seems to me your training is coming along just fine. Let's go.

If you're really his friend you'll get him to take that gray out of his hair.

Data

Jessel...

Looks like a bloody skunk.

Data

She can be frightfull trying at times, but, she does make me laugh.

Geordi

Data, what is it with the hair anyway?

Data

I've found that a touch of gray adds an air of distinction.

Picard

You say this is Earl Grey, I'd swear that it was Darjeeling.

Hmm.