Squidbillies Season 1 quotes

What wha…

Baby, noooo!

P-Nut!

Okay. So…We good here? Recommence the fracking!

I’m just saying what everyone thinking -- Black people make Chinese food for a living. It’s one hell of a world, ain’t it?

Granny Cuyler

No one’s thinking that! You’re out of touch, you weirdo! Ow, ow!

Hey, Sheriff, do that there funny joke where you blow your face off. That’s a good ’un!

No, my craniofacial surgeon told me I should phase out that of my set. So I guess y’all just got served!

[with a hole in his mug, coffee falls out of his mug, and his blood comes out of his body] Stop using your firearm as a microphone. Damn, I ain't even playing now. [Falls over]

I’m gonna kill the old-fashioned way.

You are quotin’ “Roadhouse!”

Damn, boy! I thought you was good!

Stop…Quoting… “Roadhouse!” Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

Damn, Rusty.

Uh, you’re under arrest. I mean, it’s illegal to pull out your daddy’s -- Aah!

Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

What happened to the fun, Rusty? Yah! Aah!

Aa-a-a-a-a-h!

Seems risky to say this since you’re in a mood, but how’d you learn to rip throats out?

Yah!

Please don’t. Please d-- Aah!

Aah!

Granny Cuyler

I’m ready to die.

Aah! Aa-a-a-a-a-h! I’m so sorry for ripping out everybody’s throat out. I guess I just snapped.

It’s alright, Rusty. I lost my bar, but it was worth it. That party was goat.

‘Preciate you, Ellis.

I’m glad you ripped my throat out, Rusty. I had a tumor in there from a lifetime of smoking.

Granny Cuyler

I’m glad you ripped my throat out, too. Because I just like to fit in.

I told you I’d show people a good time.

That party was off the hook -- And off the chain.

The whole hook, chain, whatever apparatus connected you to something -- Gone.

Granny Cuyler

Yeah, whatever chain we were on. We’re off it now.

Bring in the chains, referee. Let’s measure it. ‘Cause I think we got first down -- Of good times.

Granny Cuyler

Who let the Dogs out? Early, that’s who, he took off their chains. That explains how they got out.

Ha ha ha. Anything with chains.

Made in Georgia.

And so Rusty moved with Tammy and Macho Man to Elberton, thus hopefully breaking the cycle of poverty and abuse. Early would swear to exact his revenge, but like many things in Early's life, he never followed through, deeming Elberton too close to the edge of the flat earth and not worth scaling an ice wall to tangle with dragons. This show...was called Squidbillies.