Lone Starr quotes from Spaceballs: The Animated Series

Lone Starr

You've reached Lone Starr and Barf. I'm out rescuing Princess Vespa, and Barf is probably on the can. You know what to do after the beep.

Lone Starr

Uh, I know this is usually your line, but I think we're doomed.

Princess Vespa

Then there is only one thing left to do: scream.

Lone Starr

What good is that gonna do?

Princess Vespa

[stutters] Well, I, eeh, I don't know, but it always works for me.

Yogurt

Then we shall be the fellowship of the Onion Ring. But this is a dangerous mission. So we'll need indecipherable codenames. Barf, your name will be Barf Baggins. Lonestarr, you'll be Lone Staragorn and Vespa...

Princess Vespa

Can I be her most royal highness the incomparably beautiful?

Oh please.

Yogurt

You'll be Vesparwen.

Lone Starr

Skroob, this time I've gone too far.

President Skroob

Oh please, sissy. Do you know how many evil plan's I've had that have been way worse than this?

Lone Starr

Well you won't succeed. Not if I can help it.

President Skroob

Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?

Lone Starr

I'm gonna blogg about it.

I'll get the duct tape.

Lone Starr

No, Barf. I think it's time...

No, no, don't say it, don't say it!

Lone Starr

...for a new van.

Ah, you said it! Have you no heart? This, this van is vintage. It's, it's, it's got history.

Lone Starr

It's got pizza from 1983 under the seats. Point taken.

Princess Vespa

This is terrible!

Lone Starr

I know, without my Schwarz...

Princess Vespa

No, I mean Barf's hogging all my eyeliner.

Frankly it looks better on me, sweetie.

Princess Vespa

[sighs] Bitch.

Dark Helmet

How long can a Mawg hold it's breath?

Lone Starr

As long as the suspence builds.

I highly recommend you pay me protection money, Lone Starr.

Lone Starr

Protection? Protection from who?

Protection from me.

Lone Starr

[chuckles] I don't need protection from you.

Oh, yes you do. When I get angry, I break heads. And when people don't cooperate with my extortion...

Lone Starr

You get angry?

No. When people don't cooperate with my extortion I get depressed.

Lone Starr

I see... and, and when you get depressed, you get angry?

No. When I get depressed, I get hungry.

Lone Starr

And when you get hungry you get angry?

Shut it, Dr. Phil, whould ya? When I get hungry, I start eating and when I start eating I get fat. And when I get fat...

Lone Starr

Then you get angry?

No, then my doctor gets angry. Because he's already told me a thousand times my cholesterol is too high. And when my doctor gets angry, that's when I get angry. I don't like disappointing him. So just pay me a million starbucks.

[judging Druidian Idol] You know, you've got a very unique voice. You should be in silent films.

Lone Starr

Eh, I think my ears bleeding.

President Skroob

What misguided being told you had any singing ability whatsoever?

My zebra, sir.

President Skroob

You're zebra's an asshole.