Someday soon, I plan to be president of planet Moron. And you are going to help me.
OMOutlet Mall
Why would I do that?
Because I, too am a Sithee.
OMOutlet Mall
Really?
Yes. But for now... I'm a closet Sithee.
All S1
Characters
Lone StarrRino Romano · 9 quotes
President SkroobMel Brooks · 9 quotes
Dark HelmetDee Bradley Baker · 4 quotes
Princess VespaDaphne Zuniga · 4 quotes
YogurtMel Brooks · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Lone Starr & Princess Vespa (3), President Skroob & Dark Helmet (3), Lone Starr & President Skroob (2)
S1 E15Unfinished Business
PCPannekin Crybaby
I figured I'd find you here in the bottomless pit room.
OMOutlet Mall
Why?
PCPannekin Crybaby
'Cause big confrontations always happen next to big bottomless pitts.
OMOutlet Mall
Hm. They do, don't they?
From now on, I want all our evil plans to stop at phase one. We've got an enlarging ray, wonderful, maybe we could do other stuff with it, I could use it late at night, who knows...
Eh, I'm sorry, it only works on ants.
[Lone Starr and Vespa are tied to the front of a tank]
Uh, I know this is usually your line, but I think we're doomed.
Then there is only one thing left to do: scream.
What good is that gonna do?
[stutters] Well, I, eeh, I don't know, but it always works for me.
Then we shall be the fellowship of the Onion Ring. But this is a dangerous mission. So we'll need indecipherable codenames. Barf, your name will be Barf Baggins. Lonestarr, you'll be Lone Staragorn and Vespa...
Can I be her most royal highness the incomparably beautiful?
LSLone Star
Oh please.
You'll be Vesparwen.
BBBarf Baggins
It was Lone Staragorn. He tried to take the Onion Ring from me.
VVesparwen
Lone Staragorn, get a hold of yourself!
LSLone Staragorn
I am the leader here, I should be the one to wear the ring.
VVesparwen
Oh yeah? I'm the girl here and if there's any jewelry to be worn, I should be the one to wear it.
Skroob, this time I've gone too far.
Oh please, sissy. Do you know how many evil plan's I've had that have been way worse than this?
Well you won't succeed. Not if I can help it.
Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna blogg about it.
Helmet, what the hell's Lone Starr doing here?
Eh, He's won fan of the day, sir.
Fan of the day? So you're saying it's a coincidence he's here?
Dark Helmet: The episode had to start somehow.
Prepair our contamination suits. Make sure yours is very tight. So no disease can get in. I want to see every... curve...
CZCommanderette Zirco
Very well, sir.
You've reached Lone Starr and Barf. I'm out rescuing Princess Vespa, and Barf is probably on the can. You know what to do after the beep.
PYProf, Yogurtdore
I'd like to dispell the recent rumors about me. I'm one hundert per cent kosher in the sausage department if you get my drift.
PSProf. Snapple
Under my direction, you will keep your shafts stiff, your heads down and get ready to watch your balls fly far. Very far.
The Mighty Meteor? You gotta be kidding. I can barely see it. Helmet, what the hell is this, a model?
I'm afraid it's the real McCoy, sir.
The Real McCoy, why is it so small?
Budget cuts, your Scroobness. We've spent all our money fighting unwinnable wars. This meteor is all we can afford.
BBarf
I'll get the duct tape.
No, Barf. I think it's time...
BBarf
No, no, don't say it, don't say it!
...for a new van.
BBarf
Ah, you said it! Have you no heart? This, this van is vintage. It's, it's, it's got history.
It's got pizza from 1983 under the seats. Point taken.
This is terrible!
I know, without my Schwarz...
No, I mean Barf's hogging all my eyeliner.
BBarf
Frankly it looks better on me, sweetie.
[sighs] Bitch.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Spaceballs: The Animated Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.