Hello, Bezos. You can take your fulfillment center and fulfill it right up your ass! You see, there's one thing you didn't count on, and that's Tegridy! [focusing on the townspeople's bloodshot eyes] Just look in the eyes of these people. Everyone has Tegridy now - Tegridy that you will never understand! We aren't just different classes of people anymore! We are a town!
[beat] Are you all high?
No. [the townspeople murmur in agreement] Why do you ask that?
Because I'm over here!
[Everyone is revealed to be facing Bezos' right]
Oh. [walks around the crowd to face Bezos] Hang on. Hold on. Okay. I got it. Anyways. You see Tegridy is something that can't be understood by big corporations. Oh, they'll try to package Tegridy, but only I can really package Tegridy. I got more money now 'cause of Tegridy. That's because I figured out how to get Tegridy to everyone. And that's - now everyone is in this state of Tegridy that's impenetrable. Am I making sense?
NO!
The point is nobody's coming to work for you! So you can take your whole plan and fulfill it somewhere else!
Damn you, Tegridy!!!
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