Terry quotes from Solar Opposites

Yumyulack

Ooh, camp sounds amazing! I'm excited to use my bounty hunting skills to hunt down and torture those who have captured the flag!

Jesse

And I'm excited for a sexual awakening! I heard last year, Julia Holland went to camp a girl and came back a woman - but then it turned out it actually was a woman and they never found Julia's body. Crazy, huh?

Terry

Well, I'm excited to perform something from Angels in America on talent night. I took out all the gay stuff and doubled the angels!

A mysterious wooden city that recently appeared out of nowhere tragically burned to the ground last week, in a fire experts are calling "inevitable".

Terry

I gotta be honest, I feel bad the wooden city is gone. They had a really good Arby's... to get fucked in.

Red Goobler? Wait a hot fucking second, I thought you killed the Red Goobler last year! After he hunted us in the Halloween store! R-Remember that whole thing?!

Terry

Yeah, I lied about killing him. He got away, and I kinda just thought maybe he'd disappear, like that eye that used to be on my back. [turns and lifts his shirt, revealing the eye]

Dammit, Terry! That eye is still there, and so is the Red Goobler.

Terry

Hey, what the fuck? Why's he so big? Last time we saw him, he was about the size of a softball, or, like, a fat baseball.

I don't know, Terry. He probably grows when I'm stressed out. Or maybe he eats a lot. Stop trying to poke holes!

Terry

Well, sorry for trying to be consistent!

Terry

I need your help moving fifteen to twenty rat women to a Red Goobler wedding, come on!

Jesse

That's the most Solar Opposites thing I've ever heard.

Terry

Since when did Jimmy Stewart have a gun in that movie?

Jesse

Everyone used to carry a gun back then. Shirley Temple used to keep one up her hoo-ha! That's what the song "Lollipop" is about!

Yumyulack

Duh - everyone knows that.

Terry

Aaaargh, I wish I'd never made us watch stupid Jingle All the Way! I should have picked a regular Christmas movie, like Die Hard or Gremlins or Piranha 3D!

Shut the fuck up, Terry. We'd be in the exact same situation. Those aren't Christmas movies!

Terry

They are too! Any movie that takes place on Christmas is a Christmas movie now! I guess Piranha 3D doesn't...

Dammit, how did the Pupa get his Harry Potter whistle again?! Terry, I thought you locked it up in the childproof cabinets where we keep the poison darts!

Terry

I did, I did, I put it behind the poison darts!

Jesse

That song is so annoying! Stop it, Pupa!

Terry

You didn't do anything for the Christmas stuff with this, Pupa, you're bad!

Yumyulack

How does he keep getting that thing?! Is he, like, out getting help?! Who would do that?! He can't even complete a full sentence!

[stops playing the whistle after Terry, Korvo, Jesse, and Yumyulack leave the room] Merry Christmas, everyone!

In these first moments of your mission, remember what is at stake. Shlorp is depending on your--

Terry

Ugh! Boring, boring, boring! [fast-forwards video]

Yumyulack, protector and head of security. You ward off any threats to the mission. Strong and fierce, willing to die so the team can live.

Yumyulack

Let's put "willing to die" down as a maybe.

Jesse, the chronicler. Be observant. Record your adventures with clarity, both in triumph and defeat so future Shlorpians learn from your mistakes.

Jesse

Whoa, I'm like the J. K. Rowling of this pack! Crucio!

Terry, your job is most important. Because the Pupa will grow up to terraform your new planet, you must nurture him. For as the Pupa specialist, he is your responsibility--

Terry

[stops the video] Hold the fսck on! I'm supposed to be taking care of the Pupa?!

Jesse

Korvo says that all the time, Terry!

Yumyulack

Yeah, this isn't news.

Terry

I'm not ready to raise a Pupa! I-I'm still finding myself! I wanna go to Cabo, dammit!

Yumyulack

Damn, you look thicc, Pupa. What's the deal?

He gets all backed up with the stuff he eats off the ground. Terry's supposed to clean him out, but he hates doing it.

Don't let him hear it's time, or he'll hide in the crawlspace under the house.

Terry

[muffled] Ow!

Jesse

We could do it! Decluttering stuff is a passion of mine, like pottery or Korean hentai.

Great, it's all yours. See if Terry's retainer is in there - his teeth are starting to look like Justin drew them himself.

Terry

Grab my hand, like they did in True Lies!

Why wouldn't you say "Like in Cliffhanger"?! You know I love that movie!

Terry

Yeah, but I don't! John Lithgow as the villain?! No thank you!

This is stupid! How are we still in the same goddamn line from last episode?!

Terry

Ah, this could take forever. That's part of why it's so great!

Jesse

Have we moved at all?

Yumyulack

Not me. But I try to limit my movements each day so I can save energy, in case I run into Tim Burton - so I can punch him in the face for plagiarizing my whole tone!

The Solar Opposites are going to Hululand!

It's not gonna be like that "Itchy & Scratchy Land" episode of The Simpsons, just to be clear right up front.

Terry

We'll see about that!

Yumyulack

[grinning] Whoa, their sun went nova?! How do we make ours do that?!

Aisha

You just have to find an isotope of--

DON'T TELL HIM! That's three dead teams in a row.

Aisha

So?

Isn't that, like, totes random?

Aisha

Space is fսcking dangerous.

Yumyulack

[still grinning] Hell yeah, it is! Tell us about more dead teams!

Terry

But skip the backstories. I don't wanna get emotionally invested if they're all gonna get Mufasa-ed.

You shall be grounded for one earth month.

Grounded?

Yes, grounded.

Terry

Oh No, oh, it’s gonna be okay! Korvo, you made him cry, psychopath.

Terry

Guys, guys, guys, check it out, I got the original dartboard on cheers on eBay! I only costs a hundred thousand dollars! I’m gonna put it up…

Jesse

Hey, I thought Korvo said “No more throwing metal in the house” after you got that butter knife stuck in his eye.

Terry

These are famous darts! Whatever Korvo doesn’t know won’t hurt him! Watch this… [accidentally throws a dart at Korvo’s neck] Whoa! Oh my god!

Jesse

You hit Korvo in the throat, Terry!

Yumyulack

Oh my god!

Terry

Go get the Voice Changing Ray… [Yumyulack goes upstairs] I’m sorry, big guy, my bad, we’ll get this fixed in a jiffy… [Yumyulack zaps Korvo’s neck]

[new voice] I told you not to throw metal around here, we’re going to be late for work, stop buggering about…