Did anything bad ever happen to someone you love on a bridge?
PPatient
No, but they collapse all the time. If you Google "bridge collapses," you get, like, 1000 hits.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Why are you looking at me like I'm some kind of retard?
Because I swear, Russell, sometimes you are. And for your information, labia are not internal organs.
What's going on with you?
l don't know. l guess l'm depressed. l don't think it's clinical, but l just can't seem to have a normal healthy relationship with another person.
Right. Get in line. Nobody has normal healthy relationships. My theory, which l have yet to put into practice, is to pick someone slightly less crazier than you are.
Society propagates this vision of people hooking up and staying together forever. ln reality, how often does that actually happen?
It's just so absurd. The idea that there are kids waiting for homes, and people still have the nerve to say who's good enough, and who isn't based on are you gay or not.
People are stupid. What a shock.
[to David] You're in my will, I'm in yours. We basically are married even if the law refuses to recognize it. But then again, I refuse to recognize most of the Bush administration, so I guess it all evens out.
The world's not your own private fucking chemistry set. Just stay away from me!
[Bettina and Ruth are playing Scrabble.]
BBettina
I have colitis.
Oh, no.
BBettina
C-O-L-I-T-I-S.
[Talking about Lisa's internment.]
Well, when you think about it, this ceremony does the same thing. You want to go so that when Maya grows up you can say that you were there.
RRoger
[to Keith] You better go find your boyfriend before he bites my cat or something.
VVanessa
Oh please, she smoked a little pot in high school. We all did.
I didn't!
VVanessa
I know, Rico, 'cause you were boring.
Of course, they're going to say nice things about you; they're your kids. But me, I'm a miserable prick who cares nothing about anybody but himself; and I look at you in your hospital bed, tired and worn-out from surgery and I selfishly wonder "How long must I wait before I can fuck you?"
Wow. Finally somebody said something right.
It would have been weird if I'd said it.
Not in this family.
Darlings, could you give us a moment?
Oh, Mom, you're not going to –
I just want to be with Olivier for a minute.
I really don't feel like making dinner for a woman who hates me.
I hope those people aren't going to be here.
I think they're just celebrity spokespeople.
They're celebrities?
I toast you with this shitty wine.
Everyone should drop an organ. After the first shock, it's positively liberating!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Six Feet Under pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.