David Fisher quotes from Six Feet Under

David

Thank you, Nate, I appreciate your honesty, wrapped as it was in such a bouquet of condescension.

David

Please, God. Help me. Take this pain away. Please fill this loneliness with your love. Help me, God, please, help me.

David

[to Keith] You looked so intense the way you pointed your little alarm thingy at the car. Like, "Fuck you, car. Now you're locked!"

David

I felt so free for a week. But then, all of a sudden, within days I went from "Yay, I'm independent" to "Holy fuck, I'm gonna die alone."

David

[taping an answering machine message] Hi! You've reached David and Keith, but we can't come to the phone right now because we're too gay!

David

[on phone with Keith] Sorry to bother you. And if anybody gets mad, just tell them your wife is on her woman's time. They'll feel bad for you that I'm such a bitch when I'm on the rag. Good night!

David

I don't need my baby sister baby-sitting me any more!

David

[to Keith about their appointment with the adoption agency] If we're not on top of our paperwork, Shirley is going to kick our "Gay Daddy" asses into the street.

David

I thought he was special, not retarded special.

David

I'm David Fisher, and Nate was my big brother. When we were kids, I used to get picked on at school. I'd come home with my face or my pride bruised, and Nate would make me tell him who did it, and he'd go talk to whoever was tormenting me, and I'd be fine … until it happened again. So Nate came up with another strategy. He said, "When they start in on you, just laugh, laugh at them. Even if they hit you, laugh." Well, I could never pull that off. But that was Nate. He could laugh at anything, and people were always drawn to him because he could make the best of the worst situation. Even when life hit him, it couldn't ki– [chokes]

David

I have a fucking husband, Rico, and I have two children! When are you going to realize that I'm a human being just like you? When? When?

You've done a nice job. She looks peaceful.

David

Well, she is at peace now.

If there's any justice in the universe, she's shoveling shit in Hell.

Nate

I refuse to sanitize this anymore!

David

This is how it's done.

Nate

Yeah? Well, it's whacked. What is this stupid salt-shaker? Huh? What is this hermetically sealed box? This phony Astroturf around the grave? Jesus, David, it's like surgery. Clean. Antiseptic. Business. He was our father!

David

Please don't do this.

Nate

You can pump him full of chemicals. You can put makeup on him. You can prop him up for a nap in the slumber room; but the fact remains, David, that the only father we're ever gonna have is gone! Forever … and that sucks, but it's a goddamned part of life and you can't really accept it without getting your hands dirty. Well, I do accept it, and I intend to honor the old bastard by letting the whole world see just how fucked up and shitty I feel that he's dead! God damn it!

Amen.

David

What the hell?

Ruth

There's been an accident. The new hearse is totaled. Your father is dead. Your father is dead, and my pot roast is ruined.

[to David, talking about the music at the funeral] Anyway, I so prefer this light, classical -- you know, chamber orchestra stuff. It's still spiritual, but doesn't seem so dated or depressing. [Laughs] I studied music appreciation when ... [what she's actually saying fades out and what we now hear is in voice-over -- what David hears her saying in his head.] You think I'm really boring, don't you? Well, get used to it, because now that your father is dead, you can forget about ever going to law school. It's just you and dead people and freaks like me for the rest of your life!"

David

[screams]