[while embalming a girl whose face is set in a laughing expression] This one won't stop smiling. Wish I knew what the fuck was so funny!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[about Russell] I could have sworn he was gay. He's knitting!
Haven't you noticed a lot of straight guys knit these days? It's like a macho thing. Like, "I'm so straight I can even knit!"
I could never send you poo! Ever!
Oh, Brenda's feeling eggy.
[about George's other son] Why have you never told me this?
Because he's never really been part of my life.
If he's sending us shit in the mail, he is a part of your life!
[watching a documentary about cave paintings] That's where everything started. In those cave paintings there was the creation of the idea of image, of the representation of ourselves.
Exactly. That's when we stopped living inside nature and started living inside our heads.
Yeah, just while we can just sit back and watch while greedy corporate Bush suckers destroy nature, since we're no longer a part of it.
If you take humans out of nature, then all there are left with is human nature.
Okay, that sounds really good, but what the fuck does that mean?
[consulting Keith what to wear on the job] Helmut Lang jeans, black tee-shirt — the faded Banana Republic one with the stretch — and black lace-up boots.
David, this is a profession, okay? There's an image to project. That image isn't fucking Keith of Finland.
Are you not out on the job?
No one's ever asked.
You big whore!
[taping an answering machine message] Hi! You've reached David and Keith, but we can't come to the phone right now because we're too gay!
[trying to catch the dog] Charlie! Here, boy, I got a cookie. I got a cookie for you!
JJake
Don't lie to my dog!
Sex is something you should feel, not something you should think!
Yeah, well, I have to think to keep from behaving in a compulsive and destructive manner thanks to my early exposure to compulsive and destructive sexual energy, thank you very much.
[about her vaginal rejuvenation surgery] I mean, come on! No one wants to fuck a glass of water, if you know what I'm saying.
[on phone with David] Honey, forget about it. You're just feeling needy right now.
Honey? When do you ever call me honey? Because you don't want them to know you're talking to a guy. Jesus, why don't you just call me Darlene?
ASArt Student
Is this more lesbian stuff?
ATArt Teacher
Yes, I have to meet my quota so I get my toaster oven.
I want to know why your other wives left you!
Because they asked too many fucking questions!
[about David's new cellphone] Well, it's the one good thing about getting robbed, right? It's a great excuse for getting a new gadget.
I hope it happens again so I can get a new palm pilot!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Six Feet Under pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.