Shameless Season 1 quotes

Mickey

[Carrying a mattress out of the Milkovich residence with Ian] Your mattress smells like ass.

Ian

We can also buy a new mattress.

Mickey

Nah, too many good memories stained into this one.

Ian

Hey, you know what the day is? Twentieth or 21st?

Mickey

Fuck should I know?

Ian

Thinkin’ it’s the 21st.

Mickey

Maybe a little less thinkin’ and open those doors. This fucker’s heavy.

Ian

After we drop this shit off, we gotta hit that furniture rental on Ashland. They got a good deal on taupe living room sets.

Mickey

All right. That it?

Ian

No, still gotta grab the dresser.

Mickey

What do we need a dresser for? We got floors, right?

Ian

[Gives Mickey a you-should-know-better look and then turns] Come on. [Walks back into house]

Mickey

Fuck’s sake. [Follows after]

[In Debbie's bedroom] Help me run an errand later?

Debbie

Sure.

Franny, you like muscle cars?

Debbie

Oh, yeah, American only. Right, Fran?

USA!

You know, I had a ’70 Barracuda 440 once.

Ooh!

Mm-hmm. For a whole two hours. Smoked the cops who were on me after I boosted it. Hey, you’re your own boss, right?

Debbie

Yeah.

That means you don’t have to go to work if you have something better to do.

Debbie

Mm... like what? [Heidi holds out handcuffs] Hey, Franny, why don’t you go downstairs to check if your Grandpa Frank is dead, okay?

[Franny walks out bedroom] Bye, Fran. [Debbie shuts door]

Frank

[Flying up in sky on a chair in hospital gown after succumbing to a coronavirus] I’m not gonna ask your forgiveness, because you bunch didn’t do shit for me. So let’s just call it a draw. I know some of you think you hate my guts, and truth be told, I never liked any of you much either. But we’re all Gallaghers. My only advice is to stop worrying so damn much. You’re supposed to ask people on their deathbed if they wish they’d worked more or spent more time with their family. [Chuckles] Me? Hell, I wish I’d partied more. Nobody ever said our neighborhood was the Garden of Eden, but it’s been a good home to us, to me and you kids. I’m proud of all of you, because every single one of you reminds me a little bit of me. Lip, you’re smart as a whip. You just can’t seem to get outta your own way. Eh, you’ll figure it out. Ian... industrious, incredible work ethic. Not a clue where you got that from. Touch of mental illness from your mother. Only way I can understand how you ended up marrying a Milkovich. Carl... ha. I never could figure you out. Can’t believe you betrayed the family and became a cop. I’m hoping you’re already on the take. Debbie, you remind me of your mother, not in a good way. Good luck in life. You’re gonna need it. Liam, you’re the apple of my eye. You handsome devil. Everybody says you look just like me. Oh, Kev, Veronica, you’re overrated as friends. Always sticking your noses in my family’s business where they don’t belong. You’re moving. I say good riddance. And me, Frank Gallagher... father, teacher, mentor. Captain of our little ship. People say you can’t drink your troubles away. I say you’re just not drinkin’ enough. Ah... I guess that’s it. Not much left to say, really. Except…time’s precious. Don’t fuckin’ waste it. Have a good time. I sure as hell did.

[Preparing to cremate Frank's body] Damn! What is this guy, like, 80 proof?

At least. This guy definitely liked to knock back a couple.

Couple of cases and two bottles of JB’s more like it. [Slides Frank's body into the crematorium, closes the door which then explodes open in a fireball]