[Lip and Ian arrive at Fiona's bedroom door with her on bed]
Jesus, just come on in. Close the door. Don't let the AC out. [Lip and Ian sit on Fiona's bed]
All right. Pop quiz. What's the most Debbie thing Debbie could possibly do?
Pregnant?
Nope.
Uh, joined the Army using Lip's name?
Very funny. [Fiona laughs] Try again.
Uh... engaged?
[Points at Fiona] Ding ding ding.
[Sighs] Well, I may have been stupid, but at least I was in love.
And of age.
Too bad I missed the shit show.
No, I got work in the morning.
Well, I need it... after Sierra ripped me a new one.
I don't want to know.
I do. Why was she so pissed at you?
I freaked out after she ejaculated on me. No, she's really cool. I might've blown it.
Hold on. She ejaculated on you?
Yeah.
You mean she pissed on you.
No. I checked the sheets. They weren't yellow.
Did it taste like piss?
How the fuck would I know what piss tastes like? Oh, shit. You've tasted piss, haven't you?
No!
Yes, you have. You lie!
What was it like?
It was like... getting waterboarded. But in a fantastic way.
That shit's real?
Mm-hmm.
So a chick is blowing her load on you like she's a dude. Meanwhile, I'm making out with a guy with a vagina. Yeah, he's trans.
Oh.
Taking testosterone apparently gives you a giant clit.
I'm confused. So, does he have a vagina or no?
No, he does. He doesn't call it that, though. He calls the whole situation his junk.
How do you have sex with the junk?
I don't know. I'm trying to wrap my head around it. No, I'm really into him.
Just not so into her?
He's a fucking him, all right? Not a her.
Jesus.
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