Sex and the City · Season 1
We have a tea bag situation.
Oh, I understand. Just breathe through your nose.
[Pause. All stare at Samantha]
When you're sucking his balls.
What? No! I was talking about— Harry leaves his old tea bags around the house.
Oh, I thought you meant "teabagging", when you hold a guy's balls in your mouth.
[about Carrie's high-school sweetheart] You're marrying him!
Will you stop? He doesn't even live in New York, he lives in Denver.
People move! It would be so romantic.
Or tragic. Seriously. If I had the guy in high school, what have I been doing for the past twenty years?
I missed my prom in high school because—
You were gay.
No. My girlfriend and I broke up the night before because—
You were gay.
No, I wasn't gay until—
You were born.
Never mind.
Big is in town?
Yeah, he's here for a little heart thing.
What, is he on the wait list to get one?
He did something to me that was so perverse! Okay, I'm just gonna say it: He tried to hold my hand.
You mean to tell me that Smith is a hand-holder? And to think he once served us food.
You laugh, but it's part of a bigger problem. Do you know that I didn't fuck a single or a married guy the whole time Smith was out of town?
[A performance artist is starving herself and refusing to speak while on public display]
You don't think it's significant?
Oh, please! There are depressed women all over New York doing the exact same thing as her and not calling it art. I mean, if you put a phone up on that platform, it's just a typical Friday night waiting for some guy to call.
Yes, I need glasses, and I'm not ashamed. I have a sexy young man who loves to fuck me, and I'm fabulous.
Have you considered putting that on a T-shirt?
[about Aleksandr] Yesterday I almost did it with him on a park bench in front of children.
What stopped you?
Common decency.
Oh, that.
I could see it going somewhere.
Oh, please, listen, half the time I can't even understand him. We have nothing in common. He's in and out of Europe...
That could be good!
Honey, you're not listening. She only wants him to be in and out of her.
Yes, but in a much less obvious-sounding way.
[to Samantha] I can't believe you would actually consider having a boob job.
[to Samantha] I can't believe you went to Planet Hollywood.
[to a salesclerk, while shopping for a wedding dress] I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says "virgin". I have a child. The jig is up.
What I don't understand is, if they got it all, why do you need chemo?
[about her doctor] Because he's an asshole.
Evidently there can be something microscopic...
Like his dick?
Excuse me, do you have cancer or Tourette's?
[Samantha is waiting to get an appointment with a top-rated female oncologist, along with other women]
I've been waiting for two days, and so far no one has gotten in yet.
I was once told I wouldn't be able to get backstage to see Mick Jagger. Well, I did get backstage—and I blew him.
[Sister Anne Marie looks shocked]
Where to?
Um, Brooklyn, please.
I don't go to Brooklyn.
Yeah, neither do I.
Why do I think living in Manhattan is so fantastic?
Because it is.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Sex and the City pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
