Scorpion · Season 1
I like packing. It's like Tetris.
Let me guess, Tetris comparison was your idea?
Handling geniuses is literally my job description.
Did someone mention Tetris? You know, the geometrical construct of that game has applications in computational complexity theory.
Interesting. Why don't you take your bag and go play it with Ralph?
Excellent idea!
You're good at your job.
I'm a pissed off ex-Navy Seal and even I'm scared of her.
She was begging you to take her to that Italian joint!
No, I'm pretty sure that was just a conversation between two adults.
Alright adults, let's hit it. Cabe, she wanted you to ask her out. You suck at girls.
What's up?
Turbine's hot. So are you by the way. Love that rubber boots/mechanic outfit combo.
Let me guess, save it for the honeymoon.
If you could.
In the wake of Tim's recent departure, it was made clear to me that my decision-making could be a bit--
Tyrannical.
I was going to say unilateral. But your input is heard, and appreciated.
Overcompensation by way of agreeability and inclusion. Got it.
Wrong! But appreciated. Anyway, we're a team, everyone's feelings should be heard, not just mine.
Anyone who graduated middle school knows the conch method. It's from Lord of the Flies.
You know this'll flame out when you eventually snap like a rubber band. Being genial isn't your nature.
Wrong! But appreciated.
Paige gave you some tools to be a quasi-human. You just gotta use 'em.
What the hell happened here?
I left Walter in charge.
Guys? I'm gonna need help opening an offshore account.
What is this?....We're doing the Department of Energy server upgrade today.
Nope. That job has been postponed indefinitely.
What? I spent weeks landing that contract.
And Walt spent minutes dismantling it.
Explanation. Now.
Well, it's quite simple, really. Our point person at the DOE kept saying he was going to pay us a hundred and nine thousand dollars.
Yes, that's what we agreed to. One hundred nine thousand.
No-o-o that's not what he said.
Here we go.
He said a hundred AND nine thousand dollars. That's a hundred dollar bill, and nine thousand dollars. That's substantially less than our fee.
For the love of God, Walter, it's an expression.
"Make haste not waste" is an expression. "A penny for your thoughts" is an expression.
"Not playing with a full deck" is an expression!
Exactly, but what the DOE rep said was mathematically inaccurate. And I told him. Repeatedly. People don't wanna better themselves?
The irony of that question is completely lost on you, isn't it?
That's your plan?! You want me to punch a shark in the nose?!
Hey Ralph, can you help me out with this motor?
I wouldn't be of much service. I'm a bit distracted today.
What's wrong, buddy?
Something at school.
Is it physics? Calculus? We can help.
Two girls asked me to the Valentine's Dance.
We can't help.
I don't know who to pick. I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings.
...
That's an easy solve. Take them both, alternate dancing with them every other song. Efficient.
I don't think they'll like that very much.
Ralph, don't stress. The probability of either of these girls being the one is very low. Only 2 percent of childhood sweethearts wind up together.
Sweethearts? What are you guys chatting about?
Nothing. Sociology. Ride's here, gotta go.
Bye... What just happened here?
Here? Nothing.
Does Ralph have a sweetheart?
Sorry, can't answer. Bro code.
Yeah. Bro code. [Paige twists his ear] Ahh! Ralph got asked to the Valentine's Dance by two different girls and he doesn't know what to do!
Why wouldn't he come to me with this problem?
Yeah, boys love to go to their moms with girl problems.
He trusts us to give sound advice.
About girls?! What's next, you guys gonna teach him how to play football?!
...
That football comment, that was sarcasm right?
No, she really thinks you should teach Ralph how to tackle.
I think that was more sarcasm.
OK, one of you get online and win your way into that tournament. [no one moves] What's the hold up?
We don't play chess.
Not anymore.
Why the hell not?!
Why are we looking at a coat hook?
That is not a coat hook; that is a coat rook. Wound up in this wall five years ago.
After a week-long chess tournament.
A tournament that went horribly wrong.
You threw a rook in the wall?
Wasn't me.
Nope.
It was a three-way tie for points! I was about to engage a masterful attack: the bishop's gambit. But then Walter sneezed on my knight.
It was an accident.
J'accuse! My knight was covered in your mucus. The one piece I needed just happened to be the one you doused with your filth.
One, I do not have the ability to aim my mucus. Two, you could have cleaned it off.
Not without touching it! I played half the game with a dead pony!
At checkmate, Sly whipped this rook at Walt's head.
Not a half-bad arm.
It was unbecoming.
So we vowed never to play the game again for the sake of the team, and our friendship.
Chess is a gateway game. Start with the pawns, wind up at the poker table. And Happy doesn't play, there's no building involved.
I'm a wildcard!
So am I. And I had enough time to make this. [shows Sylvester a gif of Walter dancing across the computer screen, saying "I got in first"]
I hope your hands don't freeze in the cold, it might affect your game.
I could beat you with my feet.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Scorpion pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
