TV show quotes
Man may have tempered the spectre of nuclear evil but, tonight, I have the unenviable task of reporting that warfare has been taken out of man's hands. We're now at the mercy of machines and a battle - the likes of which we have never seen before - is about to begin. Outside the studio, women have lashed themselves to the railings. Britain is about to witness the birth of Robot Wars. Which is all about robots... fighting.
[preparing to go into a fight against Nemesis] Trouble is, we just can't make up our mind what blade to use.
Just because you look pretty, doesn't mean you can't cause a lot of damage.
Leighbot? Pepperpot! You could pour pepper out of that Leighbot machine now! Look at the holes!
[as the House Robots attack Wedgehog] Matilda's in, looking for a few scraps, as usual, Shunt takes on Robot the Bruce, but I think it's too little too late! Robot the Bruce is the winner! [Cease is called, sending Robot the Bruce to the Grand Final]
"That was such a crazy fight I just defecated myself, liquid brown is going down my legs as we speak this is absolute mayhem"
[interview after the Stock Car trials; Krayzee Tokyo has been eliminated due to having covered the least distance]
Oh, no, no, no, the one that looks like a dustbin or something is out. And you jumped the start! Come on!
It wasn't my fault!
Well, whose fault is it? Father Christmas'?
It's whoever's got the other controller on the same frequency.
That's the worst excuse I've ever heard in my entire life.
[as the House Robots attack Wheelosaurus] This is carnage! They're after blood and oil!
Please welcome the man who oils Kryten's bearings, Craig Charles.
Ah, brilliant, superb gymnastics from Cassius!
Now, in my day, there were three things a fella needed to shave: a razor, some shaving foam, and enough loo roll to bandage the whole of the wounded at the Somme. But nowadays, it's all performance toiletries. Like, for all I know, a jet propelled tooth brush and a 200 wipes per minute toilet roll - sounds nasty. But there is one bit of progress I am bang up to date with, and that's robots. And here, our robotic innovations are gonna do battle for a place in our series semi-finals.
I'd love to see the Chaos 2 flipper against Matilda, you know, or any one of the House Robots.
Please welcome the man who thought a Kalashnikov was a form of bronchitis, Craig Charles.
I’ve tried lots of therapies in my time. I went to see a child psychologist once, but he was terrible - well, he was only seven. He said to me: "What’s the first thing you think of when I say the word "mother"?"; and I said “Me mother”! So he suggested I go to the Samaritans instead, but I thought a Samaritan was one of those oranges you only get at Christmas. And then he suggested colonic irrigation, but what do I know about farming?! But I’ve finally found a therapy that really is right up my alley: it’s called Robot Wars. And right now, another eight angry patients are waiting to air their grievances in the arena! Look out, doctor - they may need sedating! Phillipa, who's in the waiting room?
[about Hypno-Disc, after it completely decimates Robogeddon in its first battle] I wouldn't wanna find that in my laundry basket, never mind Sir Killalot.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Robot Wars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
