Damon quotes from Poppa's House

Damon

Everyone, I have great news. Uh, Our PA is no longer a production assistant, she is now a full-on producer.

Damon

Hey, Dad. I'm doing a children's book reading at Maya School next week. Love for you to be there.

Damon

So, my dad is still in denial about Léon passing.

Damon

He taught me how to play basketball, how to ride a bike, tie my shoes. All the stuff my dad was supposed to teach me.

Damon

That was fun. Come on, man. Let's stay and play a board game.

Damon

It's not a life without sex. It's been a couple of weeks. Feels like a lifetime, though.

Damon

So dad, I need your help to introduce the world to JJ's revolutionary new product.

Damon

It's not a competition, Trey.

Damon

We're going all out. You guys were lucky, 'cause when I was growing up, my dad was so cheap instead of Spiderman, he had man-man show up.

Damon

Hey, Dad.

Poppa

Boy.

Damon

Hey, Pop. I need a favor.

Poppa

Son, can I at least get a sip of tea before you start asking me for favors?

Damon

Hey, yeah. You do your thing, man. Sip it up.

Damon

Can you pick the kids up from school today? I have a meeting with an ad agency to direct some spots.

Poppa

I thought you told Nina that you were gonna stop chasing that directing dream.

Damon

I said I was going to. I didn't put a hard clock on it.

Poppa

Oh. So, you lied to your wife.

Damon

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Never. Our entire relationship is built on complete trust. I'm merely protecting her in case I don't get the job, that way, I don't have to see that disappointed look in her eyes.

Poppa

Oh. your mom had that look. It was her only look. So, what does the foam roller king think about you taking meetings on a work day?

Damon

Well, you know, I just tell JJ, I'm on a sales run, I go in and crush my meetings, back to work, no harm, no foul.

Poppa

Well, there is a foul. You're stealing time from your boss.

Damon

Look, dad, I know you guys go way... You good?

Poppa

Yeah. I'm good. I'm good.

Damon

Look, I know you guys go way back, but, I can't stand working for that dude. It's like having a human hemorrhoid for a father-in-law.

Poppa

This is true, but JJ loaned you money to buy that house next door, and he gave you a job so you can pay him back. That's a contract.

Damon

Well, I can pay him back a lot quicker if you bought a couple hundred of these bad boys.

Poppa

They don't do nothing for me. Look, I paid for your film school, son. That's it. Now I support you emotionally.

Damon

Dad, you know that George Clooney once gave 15 of his best friends a million dollars each?

Poppa

(blows raspberry) That's nothing. I once gave an enemy 5 million dollars.

Damon

Really, who?

Poppa

Your mother. In the divorce.

Damon

She told me it was 3.

Poppa

That's 'cause she didn't want to pay for film school.

Damon

She's the worst. That's my mother.

Nina

Kids, get in the car. Seat belts on. I'll be there in a minute.

Bye, dad.

Damon

Bye-bye.

Nina

Damon, I've been thinking.

Damon

Uh-oh.

Nina

If you took that management position, daddy's offering, and I planned a few more events, we could afford to send our kids to private school.

Damon

Private school is overrated and overpriced.

Nina

Babe, if you took that promotion, we could afford Buckingham.

Damon

Yeah. But that promotion would leave me no time for doing what I love.

Nina

Directing short films.

Damon

No. Kiss my short wife.

Nina

Don't call me short.

Damon

My sweetie petiti.

Nina

No.

Damon

My little African American.

Nina

How about tiny bit 'cause that's all you gonna get if you keep joking about my height?

Damon

Oh. Right. They have kids.

Nina

Hey. Don't forget to pick 'em up from school.

Damon

Have I ever forgotten? They were fine.

Damon

Look, dad. If you want to relax on camera, I tell my actors these 3 things. Right? Quiet hands, always smile, and never look in your camera.

Poppa

That's it?

Damon

That's it.

Poppa

Nothing else.

Damon

Well, let Dr. Reed know whose house she lived in.

Poppa

What do you mean?

Damon

Whose house is Dr. Reed in?

Poppa

My house.

Damon

Get up. Say it. Poppa's House. Say it.

Poppa

She's in Poppa's House.

Damon

Whose house is Dr. Reed in?

Poppa

She's in my house.

Damon

She's in your house and she's trespassing.

Poppa

That's right.

Damon

The living legend. 6 time Marconi radio award winner...

Poppa

7 times.

Damon

7 time Marconi radio award winner. The master of the Mike, the king of the commute, the Adonis of audio...

Poppa

The MJ of the airwaves.

Damon

Oh, give me that LeBron.

Damon

W–W–W–W... Why do you think I always want something from you?

Poppa

B–B–B–B... Because you always do.

Ivy

Hey, Junior.

Damon

Hiya, Ivy.

Damon

But, here's the best part. He got accepted into Buckingham.

Poppa

The Palace?!