SHOWS LIKE THIS!? What shows like this? Is HBO running a show called “Horse Shit” or “Crock-a-Shit”? What other shit shows are there out there? We rule shit!
S2 E1P.E.T.A.
In just a month after animals were released, they would be back in animal prison for trespassing, failure to pay their taxes, assaulting people—and each other, and for fucking and shitting all over the shitty, fuckin' place! Life is not Disney bullshit where the lions and pigs and... meerkats get together and sing songs.
JVJerry Vlasak
I think that violence and non-violence are not moral principles, they're tactics.
WHAT?!
JVJerry Vlasak
Violence and non-violence are not moral principles, they're tactics.
Sweet evil Jesus! What did he say?
JVJerry Vlasak
Violence and non-violence are not moral principles, they're tactics.
"Ethical," my achin' ass!
PETA euthanized 1,325 dogs and cats that year at its headquarters! Did that register? PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, kills animals themselves. They only took in 2,103, so PETA killed almost two-thirds of the animals they rescued.
The PETA you don't know would outlaw fishing, circuses, dog shows, horseback riding and zoos. They even oppose using service animals like eye-dogs for the blind. Fucking blind bastards torturing those dogs! In PETA, there's no room for Kentucky Fried Chicken, or the Kentucky Derby. See you, Shamu! And forget about smearing honey all over your fuck buddy, because even bees are persecuted by the man. And pets are forbidden in PETA's world too. That's right! No pets. Hey all you pet lovers who donate to PETA, feel like a sucker yet?
[On PETA's usage of Holocaust footage for its campaigns].
DPDennis Prager
We have a generation here in America, of young people, who don't know what evil is [cf. generations past]. They've never suffered. They don't know Nazism. They don't know Communism. They don't know torture. They don't know concentration camps. And so, they're so naive, that they think the worst evil is done to animals and the environment.
[Ending lines]
No animals were harmed in the making of this episode of Bullshit. Well, except the fucking chickens. Oh, and the- and the ribs, that's a cow. And our sexy leather boy outfits and the furcoats and oh, y'know a lot of the food is catered and they served some meats, there's probably a couple of diabetics on the crew that need insulin, almost forgot Teller's ass, and I guess the building we tape in has some animal products 'cause they're commonly used in brick, plaster, cement and insulation. Some of the furniture was probably made using animal-based glue, and there's a lot of animal stuff used in musical instruments, so maybe the theme song injured some animals. Oh and the videotape contains Mylar, and that's made from animal by-products, but other than that, though!
S2 E4War on Drugs
[Teller shows a pan] This is drugs. [Teller shows some eggs, with the description of several types of civil liberties written on them] These are your liberties. [cut to Penn on a steamroller] AND THIS IS THE GOVERNMENT.
[Penn runs a steamroller ("the government") over the pan ("drugs") and the eggs ("civil liberties"), crushing them.]
Any questions?
S2 E5Recycling
[On recycling jobs, watching workers sort through garbage on a conveyor belt]
[sarcastically, shouting over the roaring machinery] Man! These are GREAT FUCKING JOBS! If only we didn't have to be LAS VEGAS ENTERTAINERS and TV HOSTS!
S2 E6The Bible: Fact or Fiction?
It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza.
Now why wouldn't God just appear to Pharaoh, and say it himself? Because God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways.
Monty Python's Life of Brian was more historically accurate than Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ.
Penn [repeatedly]: Elvis didn't do no drugs!
God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways.
this statement is a rebuke to the famous assertion by William Cowper: "God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform He plants his footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm."
Take some time and put the Bible on your summer reading list. Try and stick with it cover to cover. Not because it teaches history; we've shown you it doesn't. Read it because you'll see for yourself what the Bible is all about. It sure isn't great literature. If it were published as fiction, no reviewer would give it a passing grade. There are some vivid scenes and some quotable phrases, but there's no plot, no structure, there's a tremendous amount of filler, and the characters are painfully one-dimensional. Whatever you do, don't read the Bible for a moral code: it advocates prejudice, cruelty, superstition, and murder. Read it because: we need more atheists — and nothin' will get you there faster than readin' the damn Bible.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Penn & Teller: Bullshit! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.