[Jeff is knocking at the flat door]
Hello?
You're not wanted here, Jeff. Get away from here.
I need to see Soph.
Oh, shouldn't we just - I mean, him and Sophie, they are -
Get away from the door, Jeff, or I will give you the broom!
Mark, I need to see Sophie.
I'm gonna give you the broom, Jeff! I'm gonna broom you! [he pokes the broom handle through the letterbox] Don't worry, Soph, I'm giving him the broom!
Mark, you can't broom him, he's my mate, he's a solid gold mate.
How did Soph find out about that girl in the pub, Jez?
I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.
Aw, look, just let me in, mate, please, Jez! I need to see Soph!
No, we all hate you, Jeff, You're a cocksucker! Jez told me about your fling! Your friendship's bullshit, and you're a FUCKHEAD!
It isn't bullshit! Let him in!
Let me in, Jez! Please!
(Oh God. Mark or Jeff? Jeff's proper, normal. I could make a new life. I could learn to like football and live with him and learn his ways. We'd have a laugh and I could be in the mainstream of the culture instead of lying like a freak in our weird puddle.) Oh fuck, I can't do it. I can't do it, Jeff! I can't do it.
[stops] HAHAHAHA! YOU LOSE, JEFF! YOU LOSE! How dangerous am I now, eh?!?
Let him in, Mark.
[stunned] ...Sophie, you - you don't need to do this! There are places you can go to! Women's refuges!
Just open the door, we need to talk.
[She opens the door to join Jeff]
Jeff, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to -
[Jeff flips him off as they leave]
[closes the door] Brilliant, Mark. My mate and your woman have just gone off to fuck each other. What are we gonna do now? Go and make a tent in the living room and eat Dairylea? Is that what you want? Because that's what's gonna happen.
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