We need to find a new PR Director for the health department. Dennis Cooper was fired today.
Why?
Short answer, he went bananas. Long answer, his wife Jan had an affair, gave him a venereal disease, so he put signs about her all through city hall. I'm sure you've seen them.
Oh yeah.
[Cut to Chris being interviewed and reading off the different signs]
"Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Health Department."
"Chlamydia affects nearly 100% of Jan Coopers."
"The Department of Health congratulates Jan Cooper, Miss Chlamydia."
"Jan I love you. Please come back. I realize I'm not blameless here. Please. Brought to you by the Health Department."
"Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whoreville."
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