Wendy Byrde quotes from Ozark

Wendy Byrde

Well, grow the fuck up, because it's game on. Do you understand?

Wendy Byrde

It's a little early in the day for theology.

Wendy Byrde

[Learning Ruth took the casino] Of course she did. I mean, what else can we do today? Oh, I know. I know. Maybe I'll be impaled by a tree, and I can lose an eye, and then I can be childless and hunted by a fucking Mexican drug cartel. And I don't know, oh, what the fuck, I can wear a-a patch like a fucking pirate.

Wendy Byrde

[as thunder rumbles] Go ahead and rain. You dumb bitch.

Marty Byrde

A family is like a small business. And with a small business, at times, there comes...

Wendy Byrde

Transition.

Marty Byrde

A bit of a transition. Thank you, Wendy. And whenever a small business transitions, it's important to stay lean and to not overextend.

Charlotte Byrde

So when did the Marriott become such a stretch?

Wendy Byrde

No, your father, he's just saying we have to prioritize our spending. That's all, Charlotte. That's all.

Wendy Byrde

What's our story for the kids?

Marty Byrde

What do you mean?

Wendy Byrde

Well, they see this... this polite dance that we're doing in front of them. They hear the constant edge in your voice.

Marty Byrde

Well, we could tell them the truth, Wendy. How would that be?

Wendy Byrde

Oh, you know what Marty? Before you get too comfortable up there on your cross and have your pity party, let me just jog your memory for a minute. There was an innocent man, who was murdered. [her voice breaking] Gary... he was a good man! He only did good things in this world, not like Bruce. Gary was a father. He had two grown sons. I never met them, But I... I know he loved them. And... He was thrown off his balcony. For what!? People cheat! They have sex with people who they aren't married to! It happens. It's not unique. I was unhappy. You're not exactly blameless in this.

Marty Byrde

For this house, I want you to find one that's as nice as possible, but as cheap as possible. I want you to think 'starter home', we got $20,000 dollars to our name. Just 20. So please, do not sign anything without talking to me first. [physically shifts round in his seat to face her directly, his tone getting angrier] And we are not husband and wife anymore. We're just business partners, and our job's to raise those kids. But you're absolutely right that I share some blame for this. I should've caught Bruce. I was in charge of the numbers, I should've seen it coming. But my mind was elsewhere Wendy. You know, it's Saturday night, and your... your foxy boxing or your Zumba or whatever the hell it is that cost me a few hundred dollars every single month, it ended two hours ago and there's no Wendy. Why does she get so many texts every night? Why does she have to leave the room to make a call? I wonder who's fucking my wife? So that's my bad. And, no, I, I don't forget Gary. I don't forget how you emptied our bank accounts when you knew I needed that money, Wendy. You knew I needed it. And I doubt very, very much that you did that by yourself, that you did that in a vacuum. So my memory's crystal clear. I was there. For all of it. In fact, the satisfying sound of your lover smacking the pavement is the only thing that gets me to sleep every night.

Wendy Byrde

Open the goddamn door!

Charlotte Byrde

[pointing at strange man in window of their new home] Who is that?

Wendy Byrde

That is Buddy Dyker.

Charlotte Byrde

Who?

Wendy Byrde

Mr. Dyker will be living in the basement for a year...give or take.

Charlotte Byrde

Mom, what are we doing here?

Wendy Byrde

Your father's laundering money for a Mexican drug cartel. [pause] I shit you not. Hello, Mr. Dyker...

Marty Byrde

It closed. Forty over asking.

Wendy Byrde

Jonah was born in that house.

Marty Byrde

And Charlotte was born in another one. We sold that, too. You sentimentalize property, you can kiss profits goodbye.

Wendy Byrde

[sighs] I've been thinking about this a lot. And I, I know that we're not in the best...I know that trust isn't at its, you know, zenith.

Marty Byrde

Spit it out, Wendy.

Wendy Byrde

If we were to unsentimentally consider how to protect this little nest egg, for the sake of the kids, given that the Feds have been to our house.

Marty Byrde

Are you saying you wanna put the assets in your name?

Wendy Byrde

Seems like the smart thing to do.

Marty Byrde

That's never gonna happen.

Wendy Byrde

If you get arrested, they can freeze everything.

Marty Byrde

That's not gonna happen, either.

Wendy Byrde

What if I, uh What if we did something with the money? Maybe real estate?

Marty Byrde

Real estate.

Wendy Byrde

As an investment.

Marty Byrde

Wendy, I'm trying to save our fucking lives here, not help your new career.

Wendy Byrde

I've been trying to tell you since yesterday about that half-built house on Sunrise Beach.

Marty Byrde

Mm-hmm. What about it?

Wendy Byrde

Well, I used the money from the Chicago house and I bought it. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure you can inflate construction costs and launder money through it. And quite frankly, I don't give a shit if you like it or not. 'Cause I feel pretty good about it. It's a good idea, and I did it for our family. What'd you do today - for our family?

Marty Byrde

Bought a strip club.

Wendy Byrde

Hi, this is Wendy. Leave me a message.

Marty Byrde

They put up a cross. Jesus fuck! They put up a cross.

Charlotte Byrde

I want our old life back.

Wendy Byrde

I'm so sorry. It doesn't exist anymore, sweetheart. We have to stay together as a family.

Charlotte Byrde

I miss my friends.

Wendy Byrde

Your friends are always gonna be your friends, no matter what.

Charlotte Byrde

You don't know that. You made it so that I can't tell them anything. I have to pretend like the worst, scariest, most damaging thing in my life is actually fucking awesome.

Marty Byrde

Here we go. Buddy Holly's a perfect example. Buddy Holly, the day he died, uh...

Wendy Byrde

Yeah, I know, he won a coin flip, or he wouldn't have been on the plane.

Marty Byrde

No, it was actually Valens that won the coin toss. It was Buddy Holly that chartered the plane. Do you wanna know why?

Wendy Byrde

'Cuz he was tired of riding in shitty buses?

Marty Byrde

No, he was tired of shitty underwear. So he decided that he wanted to get to wherever he was going as quickly as possible, so he could do laundry.

Marty Byrde

It's true.

Wendy Byrde

So you're saying "The Day the Music Died" was because of soiled briefs?

Marty Byrde

Another good example is D-Day. The Nazis knew that we were coming, so they wanted to line the beach with tanks so they could literally blow us out of the water. But Hitler decided that it was a good day for sedatives. So they couldn't wake him up to get the final sign-off for the tanks, and the rest is history.

Wendy Byrde

What the hell are you talking about?

Marty Byrde

I'm talking about decisions.

Wendy Byrde

What, I'm Hitler in this analogy?

Marty Byrde

No.

Wendy Byrde

I would hope not.

Marty Byrde

[chuckles] Uh, I'm just saying that any decision made, big or small, has an impact around the world. It's difficult.

Wendy Byrde

Marty, I just don't need a theoretical analysis right now.

Marty Byrde

I know. I'm just saying this is tough.

Wendy Byrde

I know... Marty, watch out!

Wendy Byrde

What, Buddy?

Oh, nothing. I was just thinking, if my ex-wife and I had had it out like that, we might still be together. Anyway the two of you are up to your ballsacks in drama, tell you that.

Marty Byrde

How'd that Sam thing go?

Wendy Byrde

We own a funeral home now.

Marty Byrde

Of course we do.