Ozark quotes

Marty Byrde

Scratch. Wampum. Dough. Sugar. Clams. Loot. Bills. Bones. Bread. Bucks. Money. That which separates the haves from the have-nots. But what is money? It's everything if you don't have it, right? Half of all American adults have more credit card debt than savings. 25% have no savings at all. And only 15% of the population is on track to fund even one year of retirement. Suggesting what? The middle class is evaporating? Or the American Dream is dead? You wouldn't be sitting there listening to me if the latter were true. You see, I think most people just have a fundamentally flawed view of money. Is it simply an agreed-upon unit of exchange for goods and services? $3.70 for a gallon of milk? Thirty bucks to cut your grass? Or, is it an intangible? Security or happiness - peace of mind. Let me propose a third option. Money as a measuring device. You see, the hard reality is how much money we accumulate in life is not a function of who's president or the economy or bubbles bursting or bad breaks or bosses. It's about the American work ethic. The one that made us the greatest country on Earth. It's about bucking the media's opinion as to what constitutes a good parent. Deciding to miss the ball game, the play, the concert, because you've resolved to work and invest in your family's future. And taking responsibility for the consequences of those actions. Patience. Frugality. Sacrifice. When you boil it down, what do those three things have in common? Those are choices. Money is not peace of mind. Money's not happiness. Money is, at its essence, that measure of a man's choices.

Now be honest, when was the last time you were really truly happy?

Marty Byrde

Oh, come on... come on.

Okay, okay, you got me. You got me. Financial adviser's not my dream job, but I am taking a fucking bite out of the apple.

Marty Byrde

Are ya?

Yeah! [pulls out a brochure] Hey, check this out. Check this out. Liz and I went here last weekend. Amazing. Amazing. Look at this.

Marty Byrde

Lake of the Ozarks?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lake of the Ozarks. Southern Missouri. The Redneck Riviera, baby.

Marty Byrde

This is an intimidation audit. Yeah? I mean, you think you can just come in here unannounced and rattle some cages, and someone's gonna admit to skimming? I mean, you're fishing. And, I mean, people steal, I get it. But you got a distribution chain downstream that's run by meth heads and drug dealers. That's where you're gonna find your Aunt Carlottas. They're not in here. We've been laundering money for Mr. Navarro for ten years? That's right. The only thing you've done here is you've involved a civilian. All right? And, you know, to be honest, this, uh "Dale Carnegie - Pablo Escobar" ruse? I think that that's beneath you. Come on, Del.

Marty Byrde

[to bankers] If I want to put all $7,945,400 into a hot tub get buck naked and play Scrooge McDuck, that is 100% my business. Now, where's my money?

Marty Byrde

A family is like a small business. And with a small business, at times, there comes...

Wendy Byrde

Transition.

Marty Byrde

A bit of a transition. Thank you, Wendy. And whenever a small business transitions, it's important to stay lean and to not overextend.

Charlotte Byrde

So when did the Marriott become such a stretch?

Wendy Byrde

No, your father, he's just saying we have to prioritize our spending. That's all, Charlotte. That's all.

Wendy Byrde

What's our story for the kids?

Marty Byrde

What do you mean?

Wendy Byrde

Well, they see this... this polite dance that we're doing in front of them. They hear the constant edge in your voice.

Marty Byrde

Well, we could tell them the truth, Wendy. How would that be?

Wendy Byrde

Oh, you know what Marty? Before you get too comfortable up there on your cross and have your pity party, let me just jog your memory for a minute. There was an innocent man, who was murdered. [her voice breaking] Gary... he was a good man! He only did good things in this world, not like Bruce. Gary was a father. He had two grown sons. I never met them, But I... I know he loved them. And... He was thrown off his balcony. For what!? People cheat! They have sex with people who they aren't married to! It happens. It's not unique. I was unhappy. You're not exactly blameless in this.

Marty Byrde

For this house, I want you to find one that's as nice as possible, but as cheap as possible. I want you to think 'starter home', we got $20,000 dollars to our name. Just 20. So please, do not sign anything without talking to me first. [physically shifts round in his seat to face her directly, his tone getting angrier] And we are not husband and wife anymore. We're just business partners, and our job's to raise those kids. But you're absolutely right that I share some blame for this. I should've caught Bruce. I was in charge of the numbers, I should've seen it coming. But my mind was elsewhere Wendy. You know, it's Saturday night, and your... your foxy boxing or your Zumba or whatever the hell it is that cost me a few hundred dollars every single month, it ended two hours ago and there's no Wendy. Why does she get so many texts every night? Why does she have to leave the room to make a call? I wonder who's fucking my wife? So that's my bad. And, no, I, I don't forget Gary. I don't forget how you emptied our bank accounts when you knew I needed that money, Wendy. You knew I needed it. And I doubt very, very much that you did that by yourself, that you did that in a vacuum. So my memory's crystal clear. I was there. For all of it. In fact, the satisfying sound of your lover smacking the pavement is the only thing that gets me to sleep every night.

Wendy Byrde

Open the goddamn door!

Tell me again what it is you're doin'.

Marty Byrde

I am an angel investor. I help turn around struggling businesses.

You intend to make money off of businesses that aren't making any?

Marty Byrde

In a roundabout way.

Wyatt Langmore

[holding out a bible] Manager wanted me to make sure you still had one of these in your room.

Charlotte Byrde

Yeah, we're all set.

Wyatt Langmore

Sure? It's chock-full of, uh clever-sounding, overly-judgmental one-liners.

Charlotte Byrde

Yeah, look, Wyatt, is it? I really don't wanna have to get you fired today, okay?

Wyatt Langmore

Well, if you could, I'd have to thank you. This job's my old man's idea. Something about "calluses and character."

Charlotte Byrde

[pointing at strange man in window of their new home] Who is that?

Wendy Byrde

That is Buddy Dyker.

Charlotte Byrde

Who?

Wendy Byrde

Mr. Dyker will be living in the basement for a year...give or take.

Charlotte Byrde

Mom, what are we doing here?

Wendy Byrde

Your father's laundering money for a Mexican drug cartel. [pause] I shit you not. Hello, Mr. Dyker...

Russ Langmore

A predilection for sour mash doesn't make a man stupid.

Ruth Langmore

Doesn't inspire confidence either.

Russ Langmore

Point taken.

Russ Langmore

You gotta be kidding me.

Ruth Langmore

If I was kidding, I would've said you're witty and handsome.

Marty Byrde

Listen, we need to increase traffic. Um what do we have that no other place does?

Rachel Garrison

Uh, an investor that knows absolutely nothing about the Ozarks.

Ruth Langmore

You know, Wyatt, in our world, it's good to be one of the smart ones. Remember that. Okay?

Roy Petty

Your money's on the table.

You got issues, dude.

Roy Petty

So I've been told.

Marty Byrde

[narrating] Okay. Money Laundering 101. Say you come across a suitcase with five million bucks in it. What would you buy? A yacht? A mansion? A sports car? Sorry. The IRS won't let you buy anything of value with it. So you better get that money into the banking system. But here's the problem. That dirty money is too clean. Looks like it just came out of a bank vault. You gotta age it up. Crumple it. Drag it through the dirt. Run it over with your car. Anything to make it look like it's been around the block. Next, you need a cash business. Something pleasant and joyful with books that are easily manipulated. No credit card receipts, etcetera. You mix the five million with the cash from the joyful business. That mixture goes from an American bank to a bank from any country that doesn't have to listen to the IRS. It then goes into a standard checking account and voila. All you need is access to one of over three million terminals, because your work is done. Your money's clean. It's as legitimate as anybody else's.