Wirt[sees Woodsman off] Shoot. Y-you think we should've asked him for help? [Greg shrugs]
BBird
Maybe I can help you. I mean, you guys are lost, right? [Wirt gasps, slaps his face]
Wirt
What in the world is going on?
GGregory
Well, you're slapping yourself, and I'm answering your question, and—
Wirt
No, Greg, a-a bird's brain isn't big enough for cognizant speech.
BBird
Hey, what was that?
Wirt
I mean, I-I'm just saying, you're-you're weird. Like, not normal. I-I mean... oh my gosh, stop talking to it, Wirt.
Wirt
Uh, I-I-I'm—
[appears suddenly] What're you doing here?! Explain yourselves!
BBird
[flies off] Aaand I'll see you guys later, bye.
Wirt
Calm, calm down, mister! Wh-whatever you do here is your business! W-w-we just wanna get home with all our legs and arms attached!
These woods are no place for children! Don't you know the Beast is afoot here?!
Wirt
The Beast? W-w-we-we-we don't know anything about that! W-we're just two lost kids trying to get home!
Well, welcome to the Unknown, boys. You're more lost than you realize.
The mill is destroyed... the oil! All gone!
Wirt
But look! We, w-we got the beast problem solved. [points at the dog]
That dog?! That is NOT the Beast! The Beast cannot be mollified like some farmer's pet! He stalks like the night. He sings like the Four Winds. He is the Death of Hope! He steals their children and he'll... ruin... [mumbles]
Wirt
You're always messing up, Greg.
Boy! You have it backwards! You are the elder child! You are responsible for you and your brother's actions!
You guys find this place as creepy as I do, right?
Wirt
So it's some kind of weird cult they wear vegetable costumes and dance around a big thing. They seem nice enough.
Okay, you're in denial. That's fine. But I'm just saying, something feels off about this place.
[Wirt and Greg are confronted by the large sentient pumpkin called Enoch]
EEnoch
Now, let's see here, boys. How'd you end up in this little town of ours?
Wirt
Well, we were trying to get home. We came into town from the woods. Uh, we saw your farms and your houses and thought, "Hey! Here's a normal place with normal people."
And we both stepped on pumpkins!
Wirt
Yeah, a-and then we heard the music from the barn, and, well, uh... H-how about we just leave?
EEnoch
Now let me get this straight. You come to our town, you trample our crops, you interrupt our private engagement... and now you want to leave?
Wirt
[nervously] Uh... yes.
You'll never convict! You have no proof! [the Elder Pumpkin holds Beatrice in his straw hands]
EPElder Pumpkin
This one's trying to escape!
Let me go! I don't know these clowns!
EEnoch
Children, it saddens me that you don't wish to stay here with us, particularly because I simply have to punish you for your transgressions.
I told you this place was bad news!
EEnoch
So by order of the Pottsfield chamber of commerce, I find you guilty of trespassing, destruction of property, [lowers itself down to approach Wirt and Greg closely] disturbing the peace, [darkly] and murder.
Wirt
[shocked] Murder?!
EEnoch
[chuckles] Oh, no, not murder. But for those other crimes, I sentence you to... a few hours of manual labor.
Wirt
[surprised] Wait, what? Really? That's it?
Wirt
Um, Beatrice, w-why are you pretending I'm this guy's nephew?
Wirt
You're scamming him?
I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him.
Wirt
What? No way.
Why not? We already stole a horse.
Wirt
No, we didn't. Fred's a talking horse. He can do whatever he wants.
Wirt
But, well, I-I have this crush on this girl.
Wirt
That's all.
Wirt
And I think about her lot, and I play clarinet.
Wirt! You've got to be kidding me.
Wirt
And I secretly whisper poetry to myself in my room at night.
Wirt, That stuff's not weird. Those are just--[sighs]--well, the poetry thing is weird.
[singing] Oh, we're going to the Pasture to meet Adelaide and ask her if she has a way to send us back where we came from.
Wirt
[singing] But as for where she is, she is where we will go.
BBoth
To Adelaide, to Adelaide. C'mon and join the Adelaide Parade. Adelaide, To Adelaide. We're going to Adelaide's house today.
Wirt
Boy. Finally going home.
Wirt
Oh no. Beatrice, I'm too young to go to frog jail. [Whimpers]
Hey, why don't you play the bassoon?
Wirt
That'll get us kicked off this boat for sure.
[Gasps in shock] No, Greg's right. You should play it. Go ahead. You'll do fine. You play instruments, right?
Wirt
Yeah, but bassoon and clarinet are way different.
Adelaide, we need to talk.
AAdelaide
Did you bring me what I asked for?
I found two brothers lost in the woods, but I can't give them to you, Adelaide. They need to go home.
AAdelaide
Nonsense! I'll give them a wonderful home here.
That's what you said, but--
AAdelaide
Can't you see I'm sick and helpless? [Imitating coughing] Ah-choo! I'm all alone in the world. I want a child servant.
Servant? I thought you just wanted some yard work done.
AAdelaide
Our arrangement was for you to bring me a child servant and then I give you the scissors... To snip, snip, snip your family's wings away to make them human again.
What if I became your servant?
AAdelaide
Ha! I need a big strong child!
You can turn me into a human, can you?
AAdelaide
Oh yes--scissors!
Yeah. yeah. So give me the scissors. I'll go help my family. [Gasps] Wirt!
AAdelaide
Close the door! I'll catch my death of cold!
Wirt
What's going on?
breath it in lady Wirt? Greg? We gotta go
Greg! Wirt! It wasn't what it looks like! I was just--[starts to cry]--please come back! Oh.
Wirt
Hmm.
Wirt, what about Beatrice?
Wirt
Hmm, I shouldn't trusted anyone.
[Wirt, Greg and Lorna run and hide in the closet from Auntie Whispers]
AWAuntie Whispers
Come out before it is too late! Unlock this door. She will devour you.
Wirt
What is she talking about? [Wirt and Greg notices Lorna transformed into a wicked ghoul, floating above them. They both scream in terror]
WLWicked Lorna
More bones to sort.
AWAuntie Whispers
I told you boys to stay away from her, but now you've gone and made her wicked again.
Ho-ho! For some reason, I thought that old lady was the people eater, but it was Lorna all along! It just goes to show you stuff. Now I have a plan that'll--
[Wirt puts his hands on Greg's mouth. He jumps through the wooden window with Greg and his frog]
Ho-ho! Your plan was better!
[after leaving Lorna and Auntie Whispers into the dark woods]
GGregory
Wow, Wirt! You saved the day twice today!
Wirt
Yeah, I guess. But so what? We're still not any closer to getting home. I just don't know what I'm doing out here anymore. I don't know if we'll ever get back home.
GGregory
Sure we will! What can stop us? You got a plan, remember?
Wirt
I lied.
GGregory
Aw, come on! Let's go, captain! Lead the way! You can do it! [Wirt sighs; the Beast watches them]
Yes, yes. All hope will soon be lost. [turns to the Woodsman] We're lucky the boy had the pluck to best you. Your play could have cost us both. [hovers over the Woodsman] Don't you care about keeping the lantern lit? Don't you care about your daughter's soul?
One cannot trade the souls of children as if they were tokens! There has to be another way.
No. There is only me. There is only my way. There is only the forest, and there is only surrender.
Over the Garden Wall · 30 quotes
