Beatrice quotes from Over the Garden Wall

Beatrice

[singing] One is a bird Two are the trees Three is the wind of the leaves Four are the stars Five with the moon

Beatrice

Oh, it's you again. I'm stuck. Help me out of here, and I'll owe you a favor.

Whoa! I get a wish?

Beatrice

No, no. no. Not a wish. I'm not magical. I'll just do you a good turn.

Can you turn me into a tiger?

Beatrice

Um, no. I just said I'm not magical.

It doesn't have to be a magical tiger.

Beatrice

You guys find this place as creepy as I do, right?

Wirt

So it's some kind of weird cult they wear vegetable costumes and dance around a big thing. They seem nice enough.

Beatrice

Okay, you're in denial. That's fine. But I'm just saying, something feels off about this place.

Now, let's see here, boys. How'd you end up in this little town of ours?

Wirt

Well, we were trying to get home. We came into town from the woods. Uh, we saw your farms and your houses and thought, "Hey! Here's a normal place with normal people."

And we both stepped on pumpkins!

Wirt

Yeah, a-and then we heard the music from the barn, and, well, uh... H-how about we just leave?

Now let me get this straight. You come to our town, you trample our crops, you interrupt our private engagement... and now you want to leave?

Wirt

[nervously] Uh... yes.

You'll never convict! You have no proof! [the Elder Pumpkin holds Beatrice in his straw hands]

This one's trying to escape!

Beatrice

Let me go! I don't know these clowns!

Children, it saddens me that you don't wish to stay here with us, particularly because I simply have to punish you for your transgressions.

Beatrice

I told you this place was bad news!

So by order of the Pottsfield chamber of commerce, I find you guilty of trespassing, destruction of property, [lowers itself down to approach Wirt and Greg closely] disturbing the peace, [darkly] and murder.

Wirt

[shocked] Murder?!

[chuckles] Oh, no, not murder. But for those other crimes, I sentence you to... a few hours of manual labor.

Wirt

[surprised] Wait, what? Really? That's it?

Wirt

Um, Beatrice, w-why are you pretending I'm this guy's nephew?

Beatrice

We need money.

Wirt

You're scamming him?

Beatrice

I was thinking more like flat-out stealing from him.

Wirt

What? No way.

Beatrice

Why not? We already stole a horse.

Hey, guys.

Wirt

No, we didn't. Fred's a talking horse. He can do whatever he wants.

I want to steal.

Wirt

But, well, I-I have this crush on this girl.

Beatrice

Mmm-hmm.

Wirt

That's all.

Beatrice

That's all?

Wirt

And I think about her lot, and I play clarinet.

Beatrice

Wirt! You've got to be kidding me.

Wirt

And I secretly whisper poetry to myself in my room at night.

Beatrice

Wirt, That stuff's not weird. Those are just--[sighs]--well, the poetry thing is weird.

Wirt, drum me!

Wirt

Okay.

[open his eyes] Are we good?

Wirt

[breathes deeply] I think so.

Beatrice

Wirt, sometimes you have to face your problems. Turn yourself in and get kicked off this boat.

Wirt

Oh no. Beatrice, I'm too young to go to frog jail. [Whimpers]

Hey, why don't you play the bassoon?

Wirt

That'll get us kicked off this boat for sure.

Beatrice

[Gasps in shock] No, Greg's right. You should play it. Go ahead. You'll do fine. You play instruments, right?

Wirt

Yeah, but bassoon and clarinet are way different.

Beatrice

Adelaide, we need to talk.

Did you bring me what I asked for?

Beatrice

I found two brothers lost in the woods, but I can't give them to you, Adelaide. They need to go home.

Nonsense! I'll give them a wonderful home here.

Beatrice

That's what you said, but--

Can't you see I'm sick and helpless? [Imitating coughing] Ah-choo! I'm all alone in the world. I want a child servant.

Beatrice

Servant? I thought you just wanted some yard work done.

Our arrangement was for you to bring me a child servant and then I give you the scissors... To snip, snip, snip your family's wings away to make them human again.

Beatrice

What if I became your servant?

Ha! I need a big strong child!

Beatrice

You can turn me into a human, can you?

Oh yes--scissors!

Beatrice

Yeah. yeah. So give me the scissors. I'll go help my family. [Gasps] Wirt!

Close the door! I'll catch my death of cold!

Wirt

What's going on?

Beatrice

breath it in lady Wirt? Greg? We gotta go

Beatrice

Greg! Wirt! It wasn't what it looks like! I was just--[starts to cry]--please come back! Oh.

Wirt

Hmm.

Wirt, what about Beatrice?

Wirt

Hmm, I shouldn't trusted anyone.

Beatrice

Wirt!

Wirt! Wirt?

Wirt

Greg?

Beatrice

Wirt, are you okay? Wirt!

Wirt

Greg? I-I-I--

Beatrice

Where's Greg, Wirt?

Wirt

Beatrice? [Breathing and groans]

Beatrice

[calling] Wirt. Wirt!

Beast

Did you fetch for me the Golden Comb?

Will that work?

Beast

This is a honeycomb.

Golden comb of honey. [Giggles]

Beatrice

Greg! Oh! [Whimpers] Oh! [Howls] Greg!

Huh?

Beast

Never mind that, Gregory. You've brought me the first two items--a golden comb and a spoon of silver thread.

Wirt

What the... Beatrice?

Beatrice

Wirt!

Wirt

Beatrice! What are you doing out there?

Beatrice

I saw Greg!

Wirt

What?

Beatrice

I saw Greg. He was w-with someone.

Beatrice

Wirt...

Wirt

Come with us.

Beatrice

I--I got to go home, too, admit to my family it's my fault they're bluebirds.

Beatrice

What?

Wirt

The scissors that'll make your family human again.

Beatrice

You had them all along!

Wirt

I-I used them to escape Adelaide, and then--then... yeah, I-I was sort of mad at you.

Beatrice

[tearfully] Oh, you... wonderful mistake of nature!

Beast

You see, Woodsman? All who perish here will become trees for the lantern. Cut them down with your ax. Go! Now!

Woodsman

NO!! [He swings the lantern showing the beast in full color for a fraction of a second. The Woodsman opens the latern]

Beast

STOP! You'll never see your daughter again Woodsman! Are you really ready to go back to that empty house? [The Woodsman sheds a tear as he realizes this might be true, then angrily raises the lantern and inhales] NO! WOODSMAN!!! [The Woodsman blows out the lantern, killing the beast]